Below you will find a nearly verbatim conversation I had with a therapist when looking for someone to help my child. Trans activists insist that therapists and doctors are careful not to misdiagnose a person as transgender who is merely “gender nonconforming,” but this has not been my experience. I had similar conversations with 3 other “gender therapists,” all of which went pretty much the same as the one below.
I would caution any parent of a child who claims to be transgender to do your homework first before entrusting your offspring to the care of a psychologist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor. Get on the phone and ask lots of questions. If they say they must meet your child first, run the other way.
Finding a professional who hasn’t jumped on the transgender bandwagon will likely be a hunt for a needle in a haystack. What you want is a professional who is interested in working on underlying issues that may be causing your child pain–not just someone who will fast-track your daughter or son onto the transition conveyer belt.
Be wary of any therapist who supports “informed consent” for minors. In a nutshell, this is the latest push by trans activists to shorten the “transition” process, relying mostly on the child’s avowed self identification as the one and only criterion.
Be aware that online communities on Reddit, Tumblr, and YouTube are actively inciting young, gender-questioning people to identify as transgender, and to demand immediate hormones, surgery, and other interventions. Active recruitment and coaching is a reality, including encouragement to threaten self harm. See the excellent blog, Transgender Reality for examples.
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“Gender” therapist: Oh, it is VERY VERY rare for a 16-year-old who says they are transgender to really be lesbian.
Me: Hm. Oh, really? Well, she has only had relationships with girls, watches nothing but lesbian love stories on TV, and, um, just started talking about all this last week. She never talked about wanting to be a boy before that YouTube binge.
“Gender” therapist: Well, I know you’re scared and it must be so hard to accept this.
Me: No, actually, I just don’t buy it. I’m not scared. I’m angry.
“Gender” therapist (nodding sympathetically, while thinking, “what a transphobe”): Uh, huh. Well, you know, there is nothing you or I can do if she is actually transgender.
Me: So, all she has to do is SAY she is and that’s it?
“Gender” therapist: I’m sorry, we’re out of time. That will be $150.
Reblogged this on Stop Trans Chauvinism.
I HATe those psychologists. They treat you in such this way because they think you dont accept your daughter’s GID… instead of thinking that you are fighting against their trans cult!
They dont use brain, they read DSM and apply it…
OMG, More proof: Gender therapy is Anti-gay therapy.
We have an appointment scheduled with a psychologist from a Children’s Hospital in a couple of weeks. Not sure if I want to keep the appointment after hearing this. Our daughter is 16 and confused. Any suggestions?
Have you talked to the psychologist? If not, I would definitely do that. Get a sense of their philosophy about all of this. Make sure you let them know your own concerns, in detail. Offer to pay for the phone call if that is what is required. If this therapist bills themselves as a “gender specialist,” I would be especially leery. Read up on them before any appointment. Also, maybe most importantly, how much do you feel your daughter has been influenced by the online transition “community”? They are very savvy about what psychologists want to hear in order to diagnose gender dysphoria that needs treatment with hormones and surgery. What I heard from my daughter sounded like it came straight off of the Reddit stories on transgenderreality.com
Do you have the kind of relationship with your daughter where you can speak honestly about all of this? What do you hope will happen as a result of your daughter’s relationship with the psychologist? Are there other issues that you think need exploring? I do think you need to exercise extreme caution, but there are therapists who are skeptical of all of this, and it’s well worth the time finding the right person for your daughter to talk to. You just have to listen carefully when you interview the therapist, because a lot of them are afraid to buck the trend themselves. Don’t rush finding the right therapist. It’s that important. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
You are her parent, the person who is truly concerned about her welfare. Don’t hand her over to any other adult until you feel certain they won’t contribute to an outcome that you feel is bad for her. This would be true of any therapist, but because of the trans trend, parents who question it don’t have a lot of clout. Trust your instincts, your gut, when you talk to the therapist. Listen between the lines of what they say, and don’t be afraid to ask probing questions.
One more thing: since your daughter is a minor, you should have the right to have a joint session with her, at least some of the time. That’s a privilege you will lose after she is 18. If the therapist won’t allow any joint sessions at all, I would look elsewhere.
Thanks for all of the information. When she first “came out” to us via power point presentation, all of the key words were there: gender dysphoria, binder, puberty-blockers (although she is 16), testosterone, surgery, the importance of correct pronoun usage, and, of course, the high suicide rate. She is very savvy about what to say to a therapist thanks to Tumblr and Youtube.
We felt we needed to do something right away, so I initially called her pediatrician to get referrals to psychologists. It was strongly recommended that we try our Children’s Hospital (specialists that work with transgender kids). When I called to make an appointment, however, I was told there was a two month wait, but I booked an appointment anyway. Currently we have her seeing an interim psychologist while we wait (and we met her before our daughter did and she seemed OK, said she was not a cheerleader, said she would work on any trauma). Although since my daughter still believes she is a he (after three sessions), the therapy doesn’t seem to be working as quickly as I had imagined it would.
Part of me wants to pull the plug on all of the therapy, and cancel the upcoming appointment at Children’s Hospital, too. But, since we haven’t accepted her as male, she has become more difficult to reach. She is easily offended and likes to argue. Part of it is being a normal 16 year old, but when you layer on this transgender “education” she has received, it is pretty much impossible to get through. I did have (what I considered) a good talk with her a while back about the risks of testosterone and surgery and that seemed to make a bit of an impact. I guess there is still hope. Maybe there is no professional out there to rescue her from herself, maybe we just need to do this ourselves. But I just don’t want to make a mis-step and push her away even farther. It terrifies me!
Do I think there is some underlying issue? Yes, I think that her way of thinking may be brought on by some trauma with previous relationships (boyfriends).
Thanks for everything! I wish you luck with your daughter, too.
So, does he still talk to you, I wonder? Or was he not able to get past what a concerted effort you made to impose your will on him?
I’m so glad you asked. This is quite an old comment, dating back almost three years ago. But later in 2015, my daughter ended up discarding her transgender identity. She came to her own conclusions, there was no concerted effort made by anyone to impose our wills on her. The identity just didn’t fit any more. I actually wrote a post about it: //4thwavenow.com/2016/01/07/a-gay-boy-in-a-girls-body-desists-guest-post/
It’s been years since I wrote that post, but she is still happily female. My daughter is enjoying life much more than she did during the time when she thought she was my gay son. And, yes, we still talk to each other on a regular basis and have a good relationship.
I know, for a fact, that my therapist would never ever just say that someone is transgender upon meeting them. He’s openly talked about previous experiences – without naming names – and how he takes his time with patients who think are transgender. He’s even had patients who thought they were transgender when they were really just gay or bisexual. So yes, it’s shocking that some therapists don’t take their jobs seriously enough to realize that they’re diagnosis can harm people.
I keep wishing it were possible to create a resource list of therapists who don’t rush to diagnose kids as trans. One problem is that I don’t know how many therapists are wise to the coaching that goes on in some online forums (this is being documented on transgenderreality.com). Teens are very smart; they know how to manipulate, and if they say the right things, how many therapists are savvy enough to dig deeper?
Our 14 year old high functioning autistic daughter told us just over a week ago she is trans. She has had multiple previous crushes on boys – just childhood stuff nothing major. Loved tea parties and princess dresses. Has been in the theater with all kinds of people since she was a toddler. Has been in therapy for anxiety for a couple of years and as recently as a month ago picked out Lilly Pulitzer for an outfit. Has a trans friend in a theater class that has been teaching her the terminology for over a year now.
She did cry back in July and begged not to wear a dress, and apparently things have progressed to this since then – she says one day she may transition and maybe she is gay or bi – she isn’t sure.
I asked for her to make no decisions now – told her she has her whole life ahead of her – I am FAIRLY certain she has a secret chatroom she talks to these friends in when she is home. She has been suicidal in the past – due to anxiety about a friend situation. I am concerned and tonight when I mentioned “my daughter” she corrected me to “your child”.
I mentioned to her regular therapist (who she just changed to a month ago) the new trans identity and she appears to be a “possible pusher”. I will probably sit in on the next couple of sessions to see how they go. (Her old therapist is not practicing, but it appears even though the trans thought has been in place for months it has never been mentioned in therapy. Just to nearly EVERYONE at the theater.
If you still check this blog anymore, but any additional advice or help you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!!