4thWaveNow was started by the mother of a teenage girl who suddenly announced she was a “trans man” after a few weeks of total immersion in YouTube transition vlogs.  (The daughter has since desisted from identifying as transgender.) After much research and fruitless searching for an alternative online viewpoint, this mom began writing about her deepening skepticism of the ever-accelerating medical and media fascination with the phenomenon of “transgender children.”

4thWaveNow has now expanded to feature not only the writing of the founder of this blog, but that of other parents, formerly trans-identified people, and people with professional expertise and experience with young people questioning their gender identity.

Parents, please introduce yourselves and feel welcome here.

From the founder and primary author of 4thWaveNow:

I created this site because mine is a viewpoint that is seldom publicly heard: that of a left-leaning parent who is critical of the dominant paradigm regarding transgender politics and treatment. My primary concern is children, teens, and people in their early 20s, particularly girls who are contemplating medical transition. While I may disagree with their views, I do understand that consenting adults have the right to do what they choose with their own bodies and minds.

Online, I have been accused of being “unsupportive,” even “abusive,” simply for daring to question whether lifelong medical treatment–injections and plastic surgeries–is the answer for every young person who has gender dysphoria. In my world, caring about, listening to, and lovingly parenting a child or young adult is not necessarily a synonym for unexamined “support” for everything the child says or wants. In fact, one of the main jobs in parenting a teen is, not coercion, but the offering of alternatives; discussing, and sometimes disagreeing.

It is my contention that the medical and psychological establishments are letting us all down in their rush to diagnose young people as “transgender,” then to give the message that medical treatment is the answer. Much of my writing now and in the future will focus on the adults who are pushing so many kids into extreme treatments. And I do consider hormones and surgery extreme treatment, if there is any possibility that something less drastic might be a solution.

If you are a parent looking for support, you’ve come to the right place. We are interested in hearing from parents, family members,  concerned professionals, and allies from across the political spectrum.  However, I am not personally in accord with conservative, religious-fundamentalist views about sexuality. I am a strong supporter of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.

Please read blog posts carefully before asking questions or commenting. I will respond when I can to respectful input. I don’t have time to keep arguing the same points over and over again.

Most of the voices in the media and in medicine are in opposition to my views. I’m presenting an alternative.


970 thoughts on “About

    • I am the mother of a teenage boy who very suddenly told us he was gender non-binary about 10 months ago, He has since gone totally transgender and wants to socially present as a girl. He is dressing in more feminine clothing, wearing makeup and wants to be known as female at school. The school is being very supportive of his desire, referring to him with a female name of his choice and using she to refer to him in school correspondence. His father and I are unhappy with all this and think it’s related to his history of Asperger’s and social awkwardness. But I especially am having a lot of trouplbe accepting this whole thing. I feel like I lost my son. So far the mental health professionals he has seen, as well as the school faculty and staff, are totally on board with this change. They basically are going full force ahead treating him as a female. Our son never, I repeat never, mentioned anything about these feelings while growing up. If anything he seemed concerned about wanting to only wear boy colors and styles. This was up to about a year ago. Then he changed extremely suddenly at the age of 15. I have absolutely no support from anyone in the general community to try to figure out if he has an underlying mental health concern or if it is an outgrowth of being on the AS. I truly appreciate this site becasue I least know that others have difficulty accepting this change in their children and the lack of support for skeptical parents. I have tried to find support groups in our are (Richmond VA). but have been unable to find anything other than LBGT groups. If anyone in the Richmond area has a similar situation and would like to correspond or get together let me know.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I am sorry you are facing this. I don’t know how these practitioners cannot be held liable for what they are doing to or youth. Public schools are falling in line with agendas that are far beyond their scope. This is not a world of unicorns and butterflies they are sending our kids down.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Your story is my story as well. I am so frustrated by the fact that no one seems to see this as a problem. To support my child, feels like I’m supporting his leading a self destructive lifestyle and it won’t end well but I have no idea how to address this. I wish the best for you.

        Liked by 2 people

      • This is exactly my family’s story, as well. My brother just came up with this out of nowhere.


      • I am new here, so please have patience. My son(13) announced to his dad and me he was gay right before Christmas. Honestly, it didn’t come as a surprise and we were ok with it and told him this. Christmas Day he came to us and changed his story to say he was trans and to address him as Jessica. This child has been a boys lacrosse player for the last 5 years. 7th grade was quiet-this was his first year at his new school. I asked him if he had stayed at his previous school would he have these same feelings (trans to female). He said no because that school was so small that everyone was binary and everyone is the same there.
        We have started seeing a therapist who told us last week that the only reason she started seeing us is that my son identifies as a female. She will not give services to teenaged boys. I really want to change therapists but I haven’t been able to find anyone that is nearby (under a 45 minute drive).
        I am really trying to not be an alarmist mom, but other dynamics in our current family life are contributing factors to enrolling him into therapy.


    • I almost cried when I discovered this site today. It has been like living in a nightmare. My son announced that he was transgender about three years ago. No indication of any problems as a child other then he was always the nerdy brainy boy that the other kids made fun of. I felt that he might suffer from high-functioning autism but never wanted to label him because he was so high functioning- brilliant in fact. Several years ago his best friend committed suicide and my son spiraled into a deep angry depression. We sent him to professionals for help. A few years later he informs us that he is transgender. I am a physician which makes this all the more frustrating because I can’t get anyone to acknowledge that this new found transgenderism could be a function of his depression. Apparently I am a bigot for not wanting to accept that my son is now a girl. The psychiatrists and psychologists have all focused their attention an making him a girl and I am literally dying. So happy to find a group of people who understand the torment. Is this a group that I sign up for or do people just tune in and follow along?


      • IMaureen Foster I am also in the medical profession and feel ashamed at how my profession is failing our young people due to fear of being called bigoted or transphobic. My daughter no longer sees anyone from the gender service but is seeing a psychologist from CAMHS re her anxiety, We, including the therapist, do not focus on gender rather on her emotions in general. At home we have tried not to react when our daughter has talked about being transgender though of course we have listened to her. We periodically talk about our concerns with regards to ‘treatment’ for transgender young people and I have shown her articles from this site including those from the brave desisters who have posted on here, I dont know if she is just trying to keep the peace but after 2 years of claiming to be male she says she no longer sees herself as male, though not female either, She is dressing and behaving ever so slightly more feminine and says she has no wish for any medical interventions regarding her gender. I am very cautiously optimistic. I firmly believe that given time and space the vast majority of these young people will accept their birth gender. The media frenzy has these vulnerable young people, who feel they do not fit in with their peers, believing they are therefore in the wrong bodies and that hormones and surgery will help them do so. They wont. They will exaccerbate their problems. They need treatment for their psychological problems, most suffer from anxiety or depression, and above all they need time and space. If he is agreeable your son needs a therapist who will treat him for his depression not his gender if you are able to find one. In the UK CAMHS services are more likely to do this but i dont know where you are living or how old your son is. I wish you and everyone on here all the best.

        Liked by 1 person

      • This is really disheartening that a Physician can not get anyone to look objectively at what is going on. I have reached out to dozens of professionals in my own community and online. No one wants to help us explore where this very sudden interest in being a “girl” actually came from. My son is also very bright and socially nerdy. He often was uncomfortable around his peers. He actually was labeled “Aspergers” about about age 9. But never any mention of wanting to be a girl until age 15 1/2. We have been living with this issue for a year. The school (private, secular) is actually encouraging this. They use “she” when referring to him and use his preferred female name…even in our presence. This is so sad..I can not even describe how painful this all is for me as his mom. And no end in sight. I kind of feel like the world has gone insane.


      • I am a child and adolescent psychiatrist I share a lot of the concerns posted on this site. I am also a second wave feminist and find it hard to understand when gender expression became so narrowly defined – for boys and for girls. Can anyone walk me through that?

        Liked by 1 person

      • This is one of the benefits of internet support via lost teens supporting lost teens and looking to strangers for mentorship. I did it myself online when I was fitst diagnosed with Lymes disease. As an adult, I could take a step back and decide that wasn’t going to be my story. But these kids get themselves stuck in a very naive groupthink. It’s a perfect storm: low self esteme, suporting people who are suffering, identifying with them, getting attention for your “bravery”, memorizing rhetoric, finding something that your parents don’t know all about where they can be the educator, getting support from strangers, not being told by any authority that they just may have too wait and see and they could be wrong.

        And then there is a strong group of transgender grownups who feel that they have been hurt by society and are strongly pushing their experiences onto the youth, making it become threir narrative. There is a huge amount of money going into LGBTQ legislature specifically for transgender agenda. And then there is the “noble” cause of supporting anyone who is an underdog. The TQAQ has taken over the LGBI and some are realizing it.

        Well, that’s my take on it anyway.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Lisa: I am a child and adolescent psychiatrist I share a lot of the concerns posted on this site. I am also a second wave feminist and find it hard to understand when gender expression became so narrowly defined – for boys and for girls. Can anyone walk me through that?

        I can direct you to the point at which non-stereotypical gender expression in children began to be treated routinely as a medical symptom.

        In 1994 DSM-IV introduced a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder to replace the diagnosis of Transsexualism in DSM-III. Here are a couple of extracts from the section on children:

        ‘In boys, the cross gender identification is manifested by a marked preoccupation with traditionally feminine activities. They may have a preference for dressing in girls’ or womens’ clothes or may improvise such items from available materials when genuine articles are unavailable. Towels, aprons, and scarves are often used to represent long hair or skirts. There is a strong attraction for the stereotypical games and pastimes of girls.’ [More]

        ‘Girls with Gender Identity Disorder display intense negative reactions to parental expectations or attempts to have them wear dresses or other feminine attire. … They prefer boy’s clothing and short hair, are often misidentified by strangers as boys, and may ask to be called a boy’s name. Their fantasy heroes are most often powerful male figures, such as Batman or Superman. These girls prefer boys as playmates, with whom they share interests in contact sports, rough-and-tumble play and traditional boyhood games.’ [More]

        From The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edn, DSM-IV, The American Psychiatric Association, 1994

        Source: http://www.geekbabe.com/annie/feature/dsmiv.html

        At about the same time the ICD-10 introduced a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder in Childhood, again with separate criteria for girls and boys. These are given, apparently in full, in the 1998 (5th) edition of the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association’s Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorders, Part III, Section II: Diagnostic Nomenclatures.

        See Sections IV and V of that document for sections on the treatment of children and adolescents diagnosed under these criteria.

        Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20000824053222/http://www.hbigda.org:80/soc5.html

        Note: these were completely new sections in the Standards of Care. The earlier versions did not discuss the diagnosis and treatment of children and adolescents.

        The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association changed its name to World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) in 2006. The Standards of Care were revised in 2001 and again in 2011.

        Liked by 3 people

      • I wanted to reply to Jessie from Dec 1, 2017 as it applies to my daughter who recently decided she’s male. I don’t know how to reply to specific comments. Please advise. Thanks


  1. I’d like to offer an update that I believe will give hope to many parents out there: I posted here I believe last february or march, completely at my wits end, terrified for my daughter, and furious with her school. Long story short, it was the “thing” a lot of girls were doing at her school to say they were “trans”. She started saying she was “trans” last October (2016) out of the blue and completely unlike her. This was started with peers and highly encouraged by one teacher in particular, a social worker/counselor at her school, and somewhat even an assistant principal – I am not exaggerating when I say it seemed to be their mission to “turn” as many students as possible, I believe because it gave these adults a sense of being special, popular, heroes to “troubled” kids, all in all feeding immensely narssisistic personalities (of the educators and counselors in the current climate that completely rejects common sense and genuine safety and well being of students). Anyway, I already ranted about this a while back so moving on: My husband, myself, and a number of family members showed up at our daughter’s school (the school accused the group of us, ironically that our daughter didn’t have any support system besides the school), discussed our concerns, demanded our daughter had no further contact with the teacher and social worker/counselor. We also had lots of talks with our daughter about what was really going on, which was she felt like she didn’t fit in and this group of people found her and gave her a (really harmful) sense of belonging provided she conform to their norms. We talked her through this and about how to make better peer choices, what to do when she felt out of place, etc… Within a few weeks, we had our happy, healthy, fun, feisty, strong, creative, enjoyable, etc…. teen DAUGHTER back, who loved herself, her name, her identity, and all her previous hobbies and interests! Her self esteem returned almost instantly. I have held my breath waiting to see if she would go back to “trans” but I do believe now we have seen the end of it. She talks openly and even jokes about what an awful several months she had, she can’t believe she let those people talk her into trying to change herself (she is still especially angry with the social worker/counselor), and continues to move on with much more “normal” teenage issues and conflicts with her dad and I. LONG story short: PARENTS: follow you gut instinct. You know your child. Don’t let anyone else fill your heads with nonsense. Talk to your child, have a relationship with them where you can help without judging, find out what is truly bothering them and scares them, help them become their true selves. In this statement, I do want to include the very very tiny percent of children who truly are and have always been trans – they need to be their true selves too. The MAJORITY of these “cases” nowadays, though are brought on by political agenda and a society that doesn’t pay attention or give accolades to any person who isn’t a “victim”. Our children have been thrust into a truly awful contest in a challenge to see who is the most misunderstood, persecuted, special snowflake.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Very similar story here. I wish I knew how many of “us” are out there. I am always hiding tears of joy when I see my DAUGHTER being herself – radiantly feminine and strong – doing all sorts of things gender conforming and not gender conforming and being happy! We have weathered this storm too.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Thank you for the updates and so pleased that things have settled down for all of you.
        Terrifying how these children can be pushed – with mine it was by a psychiatrist and psychologist team at our children’s hospital who told my daughter that I probably wouldn’t support it so there was no need to tell me. We aren’t out of the woods by any means yet so I take hope from your stories.
        I feel for the kids who really are suffering from gender dysphoria and are being eclipsed by the number of kids trying it out. One of the teachers at my daughter’s school told me that they used to talk to the kids about self-harm but that backfired and became a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy (as in if they didn’t highlight it to all kids there were less kids doing it) and that she feels this is likely the same thing… they wouldn’t get there on their own.

        Liked by 4 people

    • I believe this is the case with my daughter but she won’t open up and talk. We recently found that four of her small group of friends claim the same thing, that they are transgender boys. My gut is telling me that this is peer pressure related and a way that makes her feel accepted. She has very low self esteem despite how often I try to tell her how smart and amazing she is. This all started in October of 2016 for us as well. I’m scared and frustrated and I don’t know what to do. Growing up she never voiced that she thought she was the ring gender. I never saw any signs. This was a little girl who loved clothes and make up and going shopping with her Grammie. We never forced her to wear girl clothes and get her nails done, things she always chose. My inner Mama voice is screaming that this doesn’t feel right. I’m at a loss on how to help her. Any suggestions?


      • We aren’t fully through it yet so I may not be the best source, but I don’t embrace or fight it. I also don’t ignore it, and make a small reference from time to time to let her know that it is still on my radar. She doesn’t want to talk about it at home from what I can tell, and while she is going by a boy name at school her teacher isn’t buying it either. We had talked about choosing a boy name for her last month and come up with one that is derived from her middle name and that she likes because it was gender neutral. I thought we were changing everywhere but then she went to school and told the teacher she didn’t feel it was the right name (frustrating!). What I feel (and the teacher too) is that she has put this name and persona out there and doesn’t know how to take it back. It gives her prestige at school and she can be someone else – someone not struggling with anxiety like she is.
        We went shopping yesterday and all she did was try on funky female clothes and pose in them. I don’t see a boy, sorry.

        Our new, wonderful psychologist told me not to fight it, but not to do any of the work for her and see if she advocates for herself. She changes schools next year, hoping that this passes when she is with a new crowd of kids.

        Liked by 1 person

      • My daughter started this the fall of 2016 also. I honestly envy the families that are dealing with this with young teens. It seems they are more pliable to come back. She is now at college and lives in a lgbtq+ activism community. So kind of them to place her there. I don’t know how she will ever find her way back.

        This is a kid that looked likeTaylor Swift. So super girly, glitter, pink,sequins, perfect makeup, membership to Birch Box, into Coach…Now, no makeup, greasy chopped hair, oh and eyebrows colored in to look like a meme online. There are moments she’ll call and I hear my daughter then there are times I see this lost soul that the world is “celebrating” for her finding her “true self”.

        Liked by 1 person

      • To Scaredmama: My daughter didn’t want to talk to us either. We only talked to her about it once a week and made sure we didn’t mention it at all in between talks. My husband and I would come up with a message for each talk and keep it super short (about 5-15 mins) and always started with a positive – noticing what she did right – how she was becoming an independent thinker and many other positives that we noticed. She even said that even though she didn’t want to talk to us, she always felt better afterward. In the beginning, the only messages were “keep an open mind and we love you no matter what.” We pretty much stuck with that for a couple months, but then as it became more routine and easy to talk, we began to show her different ways of thinking about it than what she had be indoctrinated into (and we told her this – lets explore different ways of thinking about it). The next message was that gender dysphoria tends to be transient for most people but the social and medical actions can last a lifetime. She was not suicidal at the time. The next message was that there are people who regret their transition and have to live with unwanted side effects. Eventually we worked up to talking out different scenarios with her from being transgender to the one that we knew was reality – that her anxiety led to depression which led her to look online for help and then got sucked into using her gender as the reason for her issues. It worked for us. Best to you and to your loved ones.

        Liked by 2 people

    • I’m so glad to have found this! My daughter told me in June that she feels like she’s bi-gender (now she’s transitioning to male). She’s 19 and in college, so my legal influence over her is done. She has had depression and anxiety and was outcasted by mean teenage girls in middle and high school. She never showed the signs of “being male”. She was very girlie and liked boys. I am convinced that the new friends at college coupled with her mental issues is really what this is all about. I’m sad and scared. 😦 I hold onto hope that she will one day detransition.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A friend emailed this to me. Why can’t the issue be seen for what it truly is – a (mental) health issue, not a political one – in which case, all helpful research should be encouraged!

    Bath Spa University transgender research block labelled ‘astonishing’

    A therapist says he is “astonished” by a university’s decision to stop him studying people who decide to reverse gender reassignment operations.
    James Caspian wanted to write a thesis on “detransition” as part of his master’s degree in counselling and psychotherapy at Bath Spa University.
    He said it was rejected by the university’s ethics committee because it could be “politically incorrect”.
    The university said it couldn’t comment until after an internal investigation.
    Mr Caspian, a counsellor who specialises in therapy for transgender people, told Radio 4: “I was astonished at that decision.
    “I think that a university exists to encourage discussion, research – dissent even, challenging perhaps ideas that are out of date or not particularly useful.”
    He says he wanted to study people who had swapped gender and then changed their minds after coming across evidence of a growing number of people who regretted having the surgery and finding no research had been done into the subject.
    The university, formerly known as Bath College of Higher Education before gaining full university status in 2005, initially accepted his proposal but he struggled to find people willing to take part.
    He said: “I found it very difficult to get people willing to talk openly about the experience of reversing surgery.
    “They said they felt too traumatised to talk about it, which made me think we really need to do the research even more.”
    Better ‘not to offend’

    He amended his proposal – to include people who had transitioned to men and reverted to living as women but without reversing their surgery – and resubmitted it, but it was rejected by the ethics committee.
    “The fundamental reason given was that it might cause criticism of the research on social media and criticism of the research would be criticism of the university and they also added it was better not to offend people,” he said.
    According to the Times, it was rejected because “engaging in a potentially politically incorrect piece of research carries a risk to the university”.
    American transgender activist Riki Wilchins said studies on transgender people could have a “political undercurrent” and potentially have a negative effect on the way they are treated.
    “People have been launching studies that undercut transgender people’s access to surgery for decades now,” she told Radio 4.
    But Mr Caspian said older studies were out of date and the research was necessary “to help people”.
    He added: “The whole field has completely changed over the last few years.
    “The idea that we might use the information from the research I was going to do in a way that wouldn’t help people is completely wrong.”
    He is considering a legal challenge but is waiting for the university to conclude an internal investigation.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. 4th Wave Now, I could not have made it through without your site and am eternally grateful. The work you have done is outstanding and you will never know what you have done and how many parents you have helped. My daughter read an online book called ‘Homestuck’ which she loved. From there the fandom was full of trans. She read and thought the gender ideology applied to her, which of course, it applies to everyone pretty much. She became depressed and lived in a Homestuck and tumblr world all the time. I realized she had changed and started looking at all her online viewing and phone activity. She was calling herself a transboy and my world went upside down. I spent days going online and crying because I could only find sites encouraging transition and praising these ‘special’ trans kids. I was online in a forum and someone posted a comment saying look for alternatives, this is not what it seems. That was enough for me to start looking and finally coming across the right words that linked me to your site. The cloud lifted and I found sanity and common sense. I followed what was posted here. I did not allow a name change or binder. I delayed using any tactic necessary. When she made the declaration to me, she was very sad and completely believed everything she had read. I knew it was coming, so I was able to be calm and neutral about it. I was worried about teen defiance, so I did not treat it like a big deal. I thought I would feed the victim mentality and push her further away. I found a Christian counselor who would be gender neutral and treat the anxiety and depression along with removing social media for a long time and internet for a few months. This lasted a year and half. It was long and hard, but I made sure every comment I made indirectly tested her ideas without being too obvious.

    She eventually moved away from the trans identification along with a few in her peer group at school. People may make fun of the hillbilly south, but many here have not swallowed the kool aid. I told the school counselor and she backed me up. I even talked to a local LGBT support who said wait and treat the anxiety. I was very fortunate she did not push the issue aggressively and kept it within her friend group. I think this made it much easier for her to let the identity fall away when it stopped making sense to her. She currently still has issues with anxiety, but now understands anxiety is the problem, not her body. I am still upset about the unquestioned support behind this movement, but once I explain to people its rooted in stereotypes, they are shocked.

    I do feel this movement is losing steam because there are just too many holes and the term has become too watered down to mean much of anything anymore. My heart goes out to all the parents who are dealing with this.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Thank you for sharing your story. We are riding it out as best we can in our house and I keep focusing on treating the anxiety first. I am glad that worked for you.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I think y’all would be a great substitute for all of those theys out there,
      The culture–yes, maybe we should all move south! I am glad your daughter survived this plague.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Stay strong. The ideology requires a narrow viewpoint, so as they mature, many will realize it does not make sense. Many of these teens are also quite obsessive and move on when they get tired of fixating on gender. It does require mental gymnastics to justify.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi All…..Need some help! Bad day on my page today! It had been pretty quiet the last few weeks from the other “side”, but today they have come out of no where on the attack! Could use some “likes” to anything or everything, some “shares”, some “comment” and some 5 “stars”! I’m trying very hard to keep it about the “blockers”, but my patience is wearing thin and I’m about to unleash on the whole Transgender Agenda issue! Thank you!


    Liked by 1 person

    • Would very much like to help you! – Yet posting on FB is a public forum that is attached to my real name, and that’s just not something I can do at this point.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Same here. People would start questioning why I’m interested and why I know so much about it. It would ruin all the trust that I built with my child if the word got out. She’d never forgive me and I cannot risk it. No one knows nor would anyone ever guess that this has happened to us in the last year unless I started posting or commenting about it in public. People think she was just more tomboyish last year and now she’s had a change of wardrobe to be more feminine/teenage-like (because she’s desisted).

        Liked by 2 people

      • I most DEFINITELY understand those that can not reply! I would or may feel as you do if I were in your shoes! As I have said right from the beginning, my “fight” (though somewhat the same as yours) and quest (which somewhat differs) is a fight, I “feel”, I’m fighting somewhat alone, but I must start fighting now!!! Why? Because most that I see, here, and in many other places I have joined, are teen+! I love all those places, and have learned a lot. But I can not understand how this (transgender issue) went from private Adults, to young Adults, to Teens? And now CHILDREN? NO!!! I just say NO! There IS no ifs and or buts about it in “my” mind!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. You should look into Mermaids ‘supporting’ an 11yr old girl on hormone blockers. Manchester area who’s foster carer is supporting this too.


    • Nope. Walt Heyer (sexchangregret) is an outspoken Christian so it’s easy for people to dismiss whatever he says as religious bigotry.

      Similarly, Michelle Critella (louderwithcrowder) is head of the American College of Pediatricians, a splinter group of conservatives whose stances also include no adoption by gay couples, no abortion, etc. Again, easy for ppl on the other side to dismiss as right-wing Christian bigots, a hate group.

      I say this as one who actually thinks the ACPeds statement on childhood trans is a well-written, nonsectarian statement.


      But the mainstream media won’t take those people seriously due to their other positions.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I’m the sibling of a brother who came out as “transgender” a few months ago. This was a complete and utter shock to my whole family. He never showed signs of struggle with his assigned gender. My parents would buy him anything he’d ask for. He rarely played with me when I played dolls or dress up. He loved trains and rocks and all kinds of things. Now, for me, I’ve had my share of lesbian/bi friends (even one who was pansexual) and saw how my one lesbian friend always took on the masculine role. So, finding out years later that she became a he was no shock to me. I could see it clear as day. But, my brother saying all this nonsense was extremely frustrating. I know in my gut that he is not a girl in any shape or form.

    Before he “came out”, he was on the Internet 24/7 and rarely socialized with anyone. He never had friends and was very much a social outcast (which made me realize that I believe he is Autistic and not transgender), plus he was adopted and his biological parents had a bunch of mental illnesses in their family, like depression, anxiety, autism, etc…

    The Internet is good and bad, but I believe that his medical illness (autism) and the major support and stupidity of people egging on others to be trans, caused all of this.

    At first, I was in complete shock, so I supported it blindly, like most people. I had watched many trans YouTubers before all of this, just cause I found this interesting and different. I’m a straight female that has no problem with my gender, but I know what it’s like to hate my body and wish I could change features of it as a teenager.

    Anyways, I tried to be blindly supportive and I’d ask questions, but he’d be so mean to me and my family. He’d tell us that “we should know this stuff.” Or just bluntly say “DUH. What did you think?” How was I supposed to know everything about transgender problems?! It’s why I was asking. I wasn’t mean when asking either. I genuinely tried. But, the meanness got worse as the months progressed. After a month, I started to have a gut feeling (after the shock wore off) that this was either a trend or something was deeply wrong (mentally) with him. Nothing added up or made any sense. He just became more hostile.

    My mom, shocked as well, bought him girls clothes. He looked like a 16 year old boy trying to be a 12 year old emo girl. He objectified women and it pissed me off. The clothes you wear don’t make you a woman in any way. He doesn’t even try to act female. He thinks that just wearing clothes is enough. He has a unibrow, bad acne, and awful body odor that he won’t even try to fix. He never even asked about a bra. I remember when girls would stuff their bras to try and look more womanly or older.

    My mom is so mentally drained that she’s confused as to what to do with him. The hate and meanness are getting worse as the months go on. I have no idea how to deal with this because it’s split my whole family up and caused all of us to fight. I feel more like the parent than my parents. My dad just ignores it, as if nothing ever happened.

    We just took his “girls” clothes away and told him to just finish out the school years (2) as a boy. The teachers and psychologist just blindly support him because they don’t want him to commit suicide.

    I just want to get away. I hate him. He’s not the brother I once loved and enjoyed. Some evil thing has taken him over and he just demands that we accept it or else. He has no care about our feelings since day 1. It’s all about him. But I know that many teens are like that. But not this stupid.

    I don’t know what to do.


    • take care of yourself. and your parents. i have had the same experience as you. it was 1968 and i was 12. trying to go through puberty questioning what makes a woman at a time in history when nobody was talking about this. it is very disturbing to a family. it broke up my family. we were never the same afterwards. i think it contributed to the early death of my father from a heart attack at 58. i tried to learn to live with it, but my brother had always been a very mean and cruel person. changing his sex surgically did nothing to mitigate this, and i had to distance myself from him as a her. ten years after surgery, my brother/sister was stricken with the effects of taking cross-sex hormones. massive strokes, embolisms, and multiple sclerosis rendered him paralysed, completely. thirty plus years later, he is still paralysed. i am the only person in my family who takes care of my brother/sister, who is in a hospital full-time with 24 hour nursing care.
      my thoughts are with you. take care of yourself first. your brother needs to be on his own, if he is old enough to be….he must be told categorically that his issues must not become your issues. it is hard, i know….but looking back myself, i wish my parents had just cut him loose to create a life of his own…you do not need this in your life, even if you think you can alter the course he is taking. he will mess you up with him….drive you crazy with his craziness. i have extreme PTSD from this situation in my family. i am 61 years old and it has taken years of therapy to sort myself out from the depression and suicidal ideations. if my brother can buy his womanhood, where did that leave me as a woman? big questions….many traumas trying to help him…he could not be helped. there are many underlying psychiatric diagnoses with cross-sex identified people. they hide under the cloak of this “transgenderism.”
      good luck and much love to you as you struggle with this…..


  8. Please help, I’m terrified and trying to keep it together. My 14 year old son told me today out of the blue that he has gender dysphoria. He has always been “boyish”, not into football/sport, but likes halo, call of duty etc Xbox games, and what we call his “nerdy” hobbies – magic the gathering card game, dungeons and dragons. He does spend a lot of time in his room or on the Xbox at home, but does have friends, all of whom have the same interests, and he socialises with them at school, but little out of school.

    He dropped this bombshell at 4.30 this afternoon and I have spent the last 4 hours looking at websites and talking to him. He clearly feels uncomfortable talking about it, but what I have got is:
    – his body isn’t right
    – He has felt not right for several months, and decided it was body dysphoria about a week ago after looking at YouTube videos and talking to other trans people online
    – He wants to wear girls clothes and make-up, but not as a boy, so in the future after transitioning.
    – He wants to speak to a counsellor so he can be diagnosed and start transitioning.

    I have:
    – not freaked out (somehow) , told him I loved him and that I want him to be happy, so if he is unhappy we’ll sort it out somehow
    – got him to agree that surgery is not an option in the near future, that it will be several years if it happens. That the whole process is a long haul thing.
    – tried to make docs appointment, got number for local counselling organisation to ring tomorrow
    – asked him to consider that it might be something else – body dysphoria?? Anxiety?? Depression?? He said definitely not latter 2, but wanted to know more about first. I couldn’t help, as I was kind of clutching at straws a bit.

    I’m so blind sided by this, we’ve always joked about calling him a nerd, as he seemed so comfortable in his own skin and not fazed by anything, so laid back he’s horizontal etc. There has been no trauma that I’m aware of, family life is stable, he says he’s not being bullied, he does well at school. But he seems so sure of this and with the lack of any trigger that could have caused him to latch onto this, I can only believe him. However I’m struggling with his complete lack of femininity both in dress, hobbies, actions, way he lives his life. When I bring this up he shrugs. I asked if he wanted to hang around with girls and do “girls things” ( no sexism implied, sorry, but everything he does is just so boyish) and he said not really.

    I’ve told my husband and he’s as shocked and confused as me. Where we are right now, is well, no-one’s dead and we’ll take one day at a time. But honestly I feel ill, not because of any issue with transgender people, really I haven’t. But because, well, he’s my boy, and I want him to be safe and well, and if he wants to change gender it’s going to be so difficult.

    Any advice gratefully received


    • Do not meet with a therapist until you have completely vetted them. This will have to be family therapy only so you know what is going on unless you absolutely trust them. Get rid of online access unless you can see absolutely everything. My take is that the younger this happens the more influence you as a parent have.

      Advice from other parents are to ignore what you can and get them involved with other things in life.

      I personally refuse to use an opposite gender name and will not purchase boy clothes when there are perfectly non gendered clothes sitting in her closet. I will not do anything I view as dangerous to my child’s well-being. I will not support anything if she will not engage in discussions with us.

      I do not believe therapist are effective anymore as they obviously don’t know how to challenge this narrative.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Excellent advice. This is much the same as what we have done and our daughter is gradually coming back to us. We lost her to this crazy confusion for a while there. She is relizing her feelings are more to do with anxiety than anything else.


  9. I have complete androgen insensitivity syndrome (intersex condition) and had non-consensual surgery, which resulted in needing HRT since age 14 – I’ve also been concerned about young people making such drastic decisions about their healthy bodies at such a young age. As a teenager, I could not appreciate the pain of infertility, which I experienced in my 30s.

    I have tried to highlight some of my concerns via Twitter, but had my account temporarily suspended and currently shadow banned. Is this a common experience for people raising concerns?


    • Are you still suspended and/or shadow-banned? If you put your Twitter handle here we can raise awareness of it on Twitter. It shows how threatening trans activists find the opinions of a person who actually WAS “assigned a sex at birth.” So sorry about your experience. Would you consider writing a guest post for our site?


  10. I am glad that parents have this sane space as a resource. My story is from a different angle, but my experience with being attacked and censored for sharing that story is chillingly echoed here. My book, Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On (St. Martin’s Press), covered my and my children’s experiences as the family who suffer the fall out of a middle-aged transition. At the time I wrote and published the book, I could never have imagined the climate that exists today: from the rush to medicalize children who express an interest in gender change, to the intense censure of anyone who dares to engage in an open discussion of the issues. At least parents have a platform such as this in which to support each other.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for commenting here–and for writing that book. What happens to families after men transition is never talked about (unless the wives are fully “supportive”). Journalists won’t touch it.


  11. In brief, I began to medically transition from male to female last year, and decided to stop after a month. I am interested in sharing my story with the readers of 4thwavenow, both as yet another story of how a young person figured out the truth about the modern trans narrative and to also elaborate about the medical dangers of medically transitioning. Regarding the latter: I work in the pharmaceutical industry as a research scientist, which has given me fairly unique insight into the what sort of dangers may be associated with taking hormones for years or decades.

    If you are interested in interviewing me, please reach out to my email, which I believe is provided. Do note that it is pseudonymous.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi, rk2:

      I’m very grateful for your willingness to share your story.

      Our son was recently prescribed 300mg/day of spiro. He’s been taking it for a month. He’s never had health problems in his life, but since beginning taking this drug, he has been sick in various ways more days than not. A friend of mine who is a nurse said that this dosage is almost never prescribed except in serious, rare cases where the patient is constantly monitored. What I found online is that this dosage is only ever used for a few weeks, max. My son’s prescription is for a year.

      We are going to talk to him after Christmas (he doesn’t know we know about this) and I want to have my facts straight. Many detransitioned people say they may have exercised some caution had they known the facts that the gender therapists and doctors weren’t telling them.

      I’m leaving my email here in the hopes that you might contact me with something I can study in order to prepare for this talk. My husband and I have lived in a state of unrelenting fear and worry for two years, but we haven’t challenged him outwardly because we didn’t want him to shut us out. This, however, is a deal breaker. I’ve always said to my children that their choices are their own to make, but when their safety is in danger, I will intervene. I’m terrified, but the time has come to live up to my words.

      I wish you well and hope that you’ve escaped without serious health problems.


      (Not my real name)


  12. It was such a relief to see this page. Someone told me about this and I couldn’t believe it.

    I have been battling people for weeks and even more so the last two days after I posted my petition to STOP PARENTS AND MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS FROM TRANSGENDER CONDITIONING CHILDREN.

    Please take the time to read it:

    I got on facebook a few weeks ago looking for something like what you guys are doing and found NOTHING so I created a group and a page NO PURPLE UNICORNS, mainly to let others see the other side of this and understand what we are doing to our children is, beyond words, wrong.

    I will follow and share everything that you have.

    Thank you so much for doing this. Until I was shown your page, I really was starting to think I was one of the only ones out there trying to stop this.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Comment: My husband recently came out,as transgender. We know for sure he has Major Depressive disorder and anxiety. He is currently on medication for. We have separated and he had moved to Ohio, but I am still gravely concerned. I would like to see if anyone knows a good psychologist and counselor in the Franklin Ohio vicinity that could help with his comorbid issues. His parents and I are desperate. He is not the least bit feminine and is heterosexual, which makes him even less likely to be happy transitioning.Any help is appreciated.


    • Kathleen, I know this is late in the day, but I’d strongly suggest you reach out to Straight Spouse Network. They will probably have more resources for you than this board is able to provide. Good luck!


  14. I’m curious, how many parents have reached out and talked to a transgender person? Or even another transgender young adult who’s closer to your children’s age? Would you want to?

    I also just want to say, I really appreciate this website – I think it addresses a lot issues many liberal communities won’t acknowledge and discuss. I personally believe that it’s so important to hear a lot of different opinions and ideas because ultimately we really want people and kids to be happy – and that’s not possible without a transparent, open, discussion where we can safely express opinions (even if they’re radically different).


    • You would be surprised how many of us are liberal on so many ideas. But liberal does not have to mean throw all caution to the wind. I have however come too realise that the transgender redric that I read on my daughter’s tumblr has made me less liberal.


      • Yeah, that was a generalization – from my own experiences, I know so many communities and people that consider themselves liberal that are very sensitive about questioning what might actually be helpful for children that are identifying themselves as transgender.

        So for example, I’m transgender and I have medically transitioned to a degree that I’m comfortable with but even I feel uncomfortable saying to these ‘liberal groups’ that maybe medical intervention isn’t actually the best way to go about this, you know? And this is just one issue that I feel like is being addressed here, that might not be addressed in these groups I’m talking about.


    • Trans-activists ask us this all the time, assuming that we’re afraid of some big bad trans boogey-man (or woman) who exists only in our imaginations.

      Well, sorry to burst that bubble, but in my 10+ year “career” as a support group leader, I talked to dozens and dozens of adult trans people. Got to know a few of them fairly well, actually. Listened to them speak. Asked respectful questions. Even “educated myself” by going to Trans 101 AND Trans 102. I also came to meet many younger trans-id’ed people, both as a support group leader and as part of my children’s social circles. I know some today. I also know several “trans-affirming” parents today.

      The reason I am opposed to the trans-activist ideology insofar as it relates to children and teens is because I took the time to educate myself about it. To find out exactly how much of the “science” behind the movement is based on wishful thinking and surmises. I’ve learned that most of the theory, as it relates to children and teens, is purely hypothetical, although the impact it has on the lives of children and teens if anything but.


      • Thank you worriedmom. You are the perfect person to reply to Tom. You have seen it from inside the support group world and have witnessed the disasters that unfold when transgender gets lumped in with and equated to LGB support.


  15. “That cruel streak – the violence of looking away – has been a feature of American life since the nation’s founding”–this is from an article in The Guardian by Ed Pilkington on poverty in America.
    Love the phrase, the violence of looking away.
    How very apt for our situation of young people being transed, affirmed, and easily receiving life-altering medical treatment.
    So much complicity and indifference,
    Yes, the violence of looking away.


  16. My daughter first brought up wanting to be male the first day of summer after 7th grade…so…2015. She had never expressed anything like this in her short 12 years. In fact, she hadn’t really said much about anything ever; and out of the blue, she sends her father and me a text saying that she’s felt this way for a “long time” and she didn’t want us to talk to her about it. Uhhh…Nope. Not gonna happen.

    So, I countered with “it is unfair to drop this on us when you haven’t spoken to us about ANYTHING for 2 years.” So we took a step back and she started therapy.

    Tonight I brought it up again because things kinda got back to a “normal” life and I was scared of the answer…well, she says she identifies as male, her friends call her by her preferred name, but she doesn’t want to do surgery or testosterone while she’s in high school. She does want to change her name before graduation.

    This isn’t about me, of course. If she’s really transgender, then fine. I love my kid no matter what.

    But I don’t think she’s trans and I can’t figure a way to broach my skepticism with her.

    I told her tonight, “I just want you to do well in school so you can get out of this state…and I want you to be happy. That’s it.”

    We’ve got a lot of work to do on this journey…and I’m trying to get passed my hurt feelings.

    Anyway…I need a community that won’t vilify me for my position with my child.

    Thanks for reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My daughter (13) doesn’t want hormones or surgery either. I have tried to find out, without pushing too hard as she stops talking, what that looks like in the future. How does that play out as an adult? She is just going to tell people that she is a man, despite having a female body?

      I may have mentioned this before but they had people in at school last year to talk about gender identity. They were both biological women who identified as men but expressed as women – I don’t know how to follow that?! One kept her name, the other chose something gender neutral and they both had long hair and wore women’s clothes (they expressed as women) but wanted male pronouns (because they identified as men).

      I just don’t get it.


    • I’m totally with you – your daughter almost sounds exactly like mine… except my daughter didn’t announce it quite the same way. But now – my daughter is 14, and it is very scary as she’s had ongoing mental health issues, along with the gender dysphoria…
      There seems to be (is) an epidemic, as she has friends who are doing the same thing.
      But thank goodness for 4thwavenow, as I doubt I would be handling this very well without this site! ❤️👍🏻

      Liked by 1 person

      • Agreed. It’s nice to be able to y’all gender critically about this and not be called names. Lol

        I’m so grateful to be here.

        It definitely is an epidemic, I want to dial back her online presence…but I’m not sure about unringing that bell when things are so tenuous…yknow?

        I’m frightened for her and the path she’s trying to navigate. I’m heartbroken that she feels some type of way about her body and never confided in us…

        Liked by 1 person

      • I feel the same without this site i wld feel so alone going thru this. My daughter is dressing like s boy and has cut her hair very short. I feel i have lost my happy girl. I feel very sad and lost with it all but glad i can come to this site and find others are going thru the same thing…


      • Hi Natsblog. My daughter got noticably worse (more depressed) once she “discovered” she must be trans. It was a year ago tonight that she decided to tell her “close friends”, one of which is trans identifying and now on testosterone.

        Two weeks later her psychologist had her tell us which I told the psychologist would be very bad for her and would lock her in to her thought process.

        Hopefully your daughter is young enough to still be with the family as much as possible. And I would suggest a family detox from electricity if you can.


    • Your story is identical to mine! The first day of summer, after her 7th grade year, two years ago, I saw some messages popping up on her MacBook about coming out and her desire to cut off all of her hair (I told her I didn’t like the style she picked out; that it was too masculine and wouldn’t look good on her; that I wanted my little girl to still look like a little girl, not a little boy). She told her friends that she was desperate, that she hadn’t “even come out yet” and I was already rejecting her. When I approached her about this “coming out,” I assumed she was thinking she was gay/lesbian. I told her that I saw her messages because they were out there for all to see, that I was sorry I read them. She clammed up and wouldn’t tell me what she meant by coming out. I told her to write me a letter about it. Well, fast forward two weeks and no letter. However, I found out the truth of her declaration to friends— she left a letter to me in her sketch pad that proclaimed she was trans, a boy, and she had been feeling this way for a long time. She wanted to be called a boy’s name and we could start referring to her in male pronouns. I was shocked! Never before had she presented as anything but a shy, creative, artsy girl. All of her pastimes and interests and friends were stereotypically feminine. Well, I took this route for the last two years — I’ve ignored it, spent more time with her supporting and funding her artistic pursuits, her obsession with yard sales and thrift store shopping, resale on her online store, costume making, drawing and oil painting, making soap and cookies, playing with her dogs, and basically doing things that really have nothing to do with gender. She lives in a genderless world of her own creation. Her dad and I have never spoken to her about it. It was only a year ago that I confessed to my husband about the messages and letter. It has been a very rough two years for me, only because of my hang ups and the fact I’ve had to let go of what I think a girl should be. I’ve had to let go of the dreams I had of sharing stories of guys, dating, dressing up, makeup, etc. all of that will never happen, and we won’t share that. I think her
      underlying anxiety and insecurity are the true cause of all of this trans/gay boi/ asexuality she presents. I think she has desisted from thinking she needs to transition; however, I also think she is very averse to presenting as an easily identifiable, stereotypical girl in public. I think she takes pleasure in keeping people guessing and calling her a boy. I have caught her correcting people who call her a boy, so there is that small consolation. I just know that it wasn’t until she made a bunch of super smart, activist girls at her school that she started the trans stuff. And there was a trans FTM in her small class of kids who started taking hormones as well, even though she really wasn’t close to this kid. Sometimes I still wake up with terror in my heart that she is saving money for a transition (she is obsessed with saving money), and even today she just wants to sleep and do nothing. I made the mistake of telling her last night that I really didn’t think her “look”
      was that fashionable or becoming for her. I have lost patience with the thrift store men’s baggy sweater,” Mr. Rogers look” she has been sporting for the last year. She is really so cute and sweet, and you’d never know she has a great figure because of all the hiding she does behind those ugly clothes. I read these posts religiously and every story sounds so familiar to me. I would have lost my mind, been hospitalized, seriously, had it not been for this blog! Thank God for 4th Wave Now!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Again and again I’m seeing the same exact story, and I wonder if I’ve been “sleep writing” – as I see the similarities in our children. It’s unbelievable! I don’t know where you live, or if you can PM me – I would love to be buddies… and commiserate with you!
        Best wishes from another mom who is going through the same thing…


      • Waiting4mybaby, so happy for you all that your daughter desisted! Great job on the part of your & your hubby!

        I would not be overly concerned about her choice in clothes. I have a middle school daughter who says the boys are so aggressive these days, she is asked out several times per week. Traditionally, as we all know, the girls chased the boys until they got in high school b/c the boys had no interest and/or no self-confidence. The Internet age has changed that and middle school boys are not what they used to be. (Heck, life has changed for all kids.) Your daughter is probably receiving a significant amount of unwanted attention, even if she’s not dressing like a girly girl. By dressing down or with boyish tones, she’s knowingly or unknowingly repelling constant attention that she’s NOT ready to handle. I recommend embracing her decision and let it ride until she’s ready to change it.

        All my Best!


  17. I have read a wonderful article by a man who detransitioned after becoming a women in his early 20s. Third way trans is the we bsite He has been thru hell and back and has now become a psychologist. He has a very deep understanding of these issues. I love reading his articles. The key is acceptance….we would all like to be someone else and change the way others percieve us but its a very self detructive and alienating course to take…if our kids cld obly be supported to accept the things we cant change in life and focus on being the best person they can be with what they were born with. My daughter has a beautiful healthy young body that she can use to do anything she set her mind too but she hates her body and cannot accept that she is a girl.so she is crippled in her mind and cannot flourish

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Finding this blog has given me the ONLY sense of hope anywhere within a million mile radius! Thank you!! So much!

    Like everyone else, I am dealing with the same gender identity issues with my pre-teen. It came out of nowhere. (Too much internet access is my belief, which is a devastating failure as a parent on my behalf). She’s about to start high school and wants to start as a boy and I am not onboard at all, however, to further complicate the issue, my husband is 100% behind her and I am not at all coping.

    I firmly believe my daughter is Asperger, and this is the real reason why she feels so differently about herself in the world. But before my husband and I have had a chance to explore this, the gender identity stuff exploded. Now I feel like I am running out of time.

    My husband and I are at MASSIVE odds over this. He won’t listen to anything I am saying, meanwhile, my motherly instincts are going buck wild!!

    What I really need is to be able to connect, face to face, with people who have transitioned from female to male prematurely and regretted it then transitioned back or families who have survived this.

    He is having a hard time (read: flat out refusing!!) to accept anything I find in writing on the internet. He has spoken to a Trans friend of his (an ACTUAL transperson, a grown up, fully matured person, who is NOT a confused angsty teen, like my daughter) who has provided recommendations with all this and so my husband is therefore not looking at anything else. He has all his coins invested in the information and experiences of just ONE person!!!


    I am wondering if among this network, there is anyone I can connect with to talk about this face to face.

    I live in Brisbane, Australia.

    I realise I am sounding desperate (Well, I guess I am) however, I am very quickly running out of time. If anyone, anywhere could help in any way, to connect me with anyone I can actually meet and talk to face to face, I’d be eternally grateful!

    Thank you for your time and consideration.


    • There is a tumblr girl who was transidentified and has aspergers named caseyjean. I think she is on Twitter too. You could read her blogs. She has youtube videos as well. I’m not sure how entrenched your daughter is into this but tread lightly on pushing things. Seems there has been more success with celebrating who she is than arguing on where she wants to go.

      I’d say get rid of the internet. And the younger they are three more pliable they are so there is hope.


  19. Dear Friends,

    I have not posted in a while so wanted to share an update since things are beginning to move in (I am hopeful) a different direction. My girlfriend, Anastasia has a son, Silas who turned 7 at the end of December. You may remember that Silas’s other mom (Kari) decided he was a trans girl several years ago and began socially transitioning him at age 4. Gave him a new name (Lara) and registered him in kindergarten and in the pediatrician’s office as a transgendered girl. Only female pronouns were used. This all happened without Anastasia’s agreement or input. It became a done deal and all of Anastasia’s attempts to slow things down or turn them around failed. This was in part due to being in a so-called progressive New England town. Over the last year, I have gotten very close to Silas. He is a very bright kid who has begun to play the game between his two homes. He wears different clothes in different houses and knows that Kari will never permit him to wear so-called “boy clothes.” He has begun lying in certain instances to save himself from doing or saying the wrong thing. He is very male oriented and speaks often about being a dude and growing up to be a dude. He loves his body. His friends are all boys. He is very physical and drawn only to more male-oriented activities. This has ALWAYS been so. We use male pronouns with him and we call him both Silas and Mowgli. Kari and his school refer to him only as Lara and use female pronouns. Last summer, we watched the new Jungle Book movie and one night, Silas jumped into a fountain in our downtown area. Not having any dry clothes available, Ana fashioned a loincloth out of a scarf. We all remarked that he looked like Mowgli! The nickname stuck. He loves that name and I cannot help but wonder if it is not a relief to be free of the struggle between Silas and Mowgli.

    Honestly, there are SO MANY messed up things that have gone on – and continue to – with Mowgli that are too numerous to write here. Have any of you heard of or seen the book, “Sex is a Funny Word?” We learned that Kari has been reading this to Silas. He just turned 7! SIlas did attend a second follow-up evaluation at the Boston GeMS clinic (yes, run by Spack). Although I was loathe to bring him there, they actually did not ever say that he is a girl and did not even say he was trans. The diagnosis was (for the second time) “Gender Dysphoria, unspecified.” It was explained to us by Dr. Ken Zucker that this means his diagnosis does not fit all the parameters. Dr. Z. also explained that transgender is not a diagnosis, though you will often see it written as such.

    The biggest news is that Kari was served court papers a couple of days ago. Anastasia is suing for custody. I have long said to Ana that this is the “fight of our lives and the fight of our times.” I do not know what will happen but I know in my heart that Mowgli will never be free if we do not try our best to get him out of this mess. Anastasia has always asked to keep things open for Silas. She has never wanted him cemented into one identity at such a young age. ESPECIALLY when he is clearly so HAPPY to be who he is when he is with us. He is beyond delightful. But he is on the fast track to being majorly messed up if we do not bravely bring all of this out of the darkness and into the light for all to see. We will be petitioning the court to get a Guardian Ad Litem on board and he/she will be talking with many, many people. Anastasia has a vast community of people who believe Kari has created an abusive situation and will happily testify on behalf of Silas. Kari is not happy about any of this. She says she cannot understand why Anastasia would want to cause pain to Lara. REALLY??? Kari will never be culpable. She claims she has only followed Lara’s lead.

    4th Wave Now has been a friend to us. So grateful. Although Lara is younger than most of your kids, I know you are supportive and understanding. On that note, I am looking for cases that may be helpful for Anastasia’s lawyer to read. By the way, it took a long time to find her and we like her a lot. This is not an easy case to take on but she is willing. I have found two legal cases through 4th Wave Now – the one out of England involving a 7 year old boy who was removed from the mother’s home (this mom and Kari sound exactly alike) and a case out of Kentucky involving a mom (again) who insisted to the father (they were divorced) that their 5 year old daughter was now male and would be transitioned as such. Again, the mom was eerily similar to Kari. In that case, the courts awarded shared custody but made the primary residence with the dad and visitations with the mom. The courts recognized that the mother was at fault for pushing the trans identity. If anyone runs into any other cases like this, we need them!

    Despite the political climate where we live, Anastasia has three years’ worth of emails, texts, photos and videos, all portraying that Silas is not simply a feminine trans girl. In fact, no-one who knows him has ever seen anything to suggest that he was feminine at all. Kari has made many grave mistakes, not the least of which were posting regularly on Facebook that she believed was a private site – not considering that Ana might have friends on these so-called private sites. She has stated many things that will hurt her case such as, “If my daughter was fluid, I would be furious if my ex was trying to cement her as one identity. My daughter is NOT fluid!”

    So, that’s the update. Thanks for your good thoughts for our beloved Mowgli as we embark on the next scary ride. But we are so ready and it MUST be done.

    Warmly and with much gratitude,


    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Annie,
      I have nothing that will help you in court, I just wish you the best of luck. If you win, this could be a breakthrough for many. Just getting the attention out there is good, but hopefully you will be able to help Silas. Please, keep us updated. Keep strong!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I am just starting this debacle of my 12 yr old daughter now saying she’s a boy. I can guaranty she is not nor does she even remotely grasp the concept of what she’s saying. She can’t even tell me why she feels she is a boy other than she’s “in the wrong body” When looking up gender dysphoria or therapists there is not a single one that does not condone or promote transgenders. Every thing I look at talks about how kids should be allowed to transition and do what they want regardless of anything else. This is the only page I found that doesn’t say yay!! Go for it let them be who they are!! I knew it was bad and that being trans is the cool new thing to do but seriously not a single website or medical site that calls is what it is anymore?!? How are we supposed to help our kids to not fall into this mess when there isn’t any help out there for us? I’m sorry but at 12 she has no idea of what she wants in life, who she is or will become or a million other things. Yet I’m supposed to take her to a therapist that will reinforce her random idea? Will encourage her to be her “true self” and take hormones and possibly destroy her body because being trans is cool? She literally just told me last night that she thinks she’s trans, never ever mentioned anything before. What the hell am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to help her when the entire freakin world is against me and there is no help, at least no professional help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • yep – been there and done all that. It’s absolute insanity. Search this site, the gender critical forum and some UK and/or conservative news articles and you will find some advice. I am an independent, but the only information I could find at first was from conservative new sources (unfortunately) – let’s hope it changes soon as the public becomes more aware.
      My daughter desisted and I’ve laid it all out in several ways on this site and in the forum. There is hope, just keep bonding with her, remove internet and social influences that are trans-cheerleaders, and let her know some facts – i.e, that most people become happy with their born sex over time, that some people de-transition but some of the effects of the drugs are permanent, that her goal to become an actual boy is scientifically unattainable (can’t change your chromosomes), and other things that you think will resonate with her. But take your time and go at her pace and mostly just ask her to keep her mind open as to why she might be feeling this way – as well as try and figure that out on your own.
      Are her needs being met – does she feel like she belongs, like her presence and participation in her daily life is valuable, does she feel like she’s good at something, does she see a happy future for herself? Boost her confidence – that is the root for most kids – a lack of self-confidence that turns into self-hate that turns into wanting to recreate yourself as a new and better person.
      Best wishes.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s