About

4thWaveNow was started by the mother of a teenage girl who suddenly announced she was a “trans man” after a few weeks of total immersion in YouTube transition vlogs.  (The daughter has since desisted from identifying as transgender.) After much research and fruitless searching for an alternative online viewpoint, this mom began writing about her deepening skepticism of the ever-accelerating medical and media fascination with the phenomenon of “transgender children.”

4thWaveNow has now expanded to feature not only the writing of the founder of this blog, but that of other parents, formerly trans-identified people, and people with professional expertise and experience with young people questioning their gender identity.

Parents, please introduce yourselves and feel welcome here.


From the founder and primary author of 4thWaveNow:

I created this site because mine is a viewpoint that is seldom publicly heard: that of a left-leaning parent who is critical of the dominant paradigm regarding transgender politics and treatment. My primary concern is children, teens, and people in their early 20s, particularly girls who are contemplating medical transition. While I may disagree with their views, I do understand that consenting adults have the right to do what they choose with their own bodies and minds.

Online, I have been accused of being “unsupportive,” even “abusive,” simply for daring to question whether lifelong medical treatment–injections and plastic surgeries–is the answer for every young person who has gender dysphoria. In my world, caring about, listening to, and lovingly parenting a child or young adult is not necessarily a synonym for unexamined “support” for everything the child says or wants. In fact, one of the main jobs in parenting a teen is, not coercion, but the offering of alternatives; discussing, and sometimes disagreeing.

It is my contention that the medical and psychological establishments are letting us all down in their rush to diagnose young people as “transgender,” then to give the message that medical treatment is the answer. Much of my writing now and in the future will focus on the adults who are pushing so many kids into extreme treatments. And I do consider hormones and surgery extreme treatment, if there is any possibility that something less drastic might be a solution.

If you are a parent looking for support, you’ve come to the right place. We are interested in hearing from parents, family members,  concerned professionals, and allies from across the political spectrum.  However, I am not personally in accord with conservative, religious-fundamentalist views about sexuality. I am a strong supporter of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.

Please read blog posts carefully before asking questions or commenting. I will respond when I can to respectful input. I don’t have time to keep arguing the same points over and over again.

Most of the voices in the media and in medicine are in opposition to my views. I’m presenting an alternative.

518 thoughts on “About

  1. Another video, I really like about this person that decided to quit hormone since it was erasing history. A female vessel no matter what is done to that body is still what is a large part of who this person is. Never be cisgender and never complete alignment of brain and body but still accepting of being different. It was impossible to be a Cismale, Despite hormones etc.

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  2. Anyone else struggling with the news yesterday re transgender rights? I too believe that gender dysphoria is real and accept transsexualism. I am also an ally of LGBT and very progressive. I believe we all should be entitled to the same rights. I believe strongly that people should be able to use what ever bathroom they identify with. But every time there is a news story about Transgender rights, I feel such guilt that I accept others trangenderism, but question my own child. I struggle when the news story highlights a family that completely accepts their child in their new identity, when I still have so many questions. I think knowing my child’s back history and this sudden change of heart, makes it especially hard to just jump aboard the acceptance train. It’s all so very isolating.

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    • I feel the same way. I’m struggling a lot. I think that for me, it’s not that I am anti trans people or even my oh child being trans. If I had even an inkling that she actually was, I would support her. If this feeling continues to persist for longer than the three weeks she’s claimed, I will support her if in the future she desires to transition… But for right now I just need her to slow down and see how she’s feeling in a year or so. As of November she was cheerleading and wearing dresses to school, now two months later she’s saying she’s trans after two friends have come out as non-binary, but shows zero hallmarks- she doesn’t hate feminine activities, she doesn’t gravitate towards boys or boys activities,…At the same time, I do sometimes feel like a hypocrite, because I always swore if it were my child I would support them, and here I am thinking “this is just a phase”.

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    • Hi purplemom
      Yes I often feel like I’m being a hypocrite and question myself about whether or not I really am as accepting of others as I claim to be. I’ve read story after story of individuals with gender dysphoria and those who identify as transgender and I believe these things are real. I would also like to believe that if I seen my child suffering of gender dysphoria or seemed to have a history of trending towards something other then her biological sex that this still would not be easy but I may feel myself at least stepping aboard the acceptance train. I have an impressionable teen and to be honest she has always been that way its just never went to this extreme. If the friends she’s with plays the piano, she wants to play the piano, if they eat broccoli, broccoli is her favourite food and so on. These are things I can ride out with patience and trying to gently guide towards not always being the follower but having interests of her own but if she ate veggies and learned the piano, there was no harm done. Because this seemingly came out of nowhere and I suddenly see her surrounded by it, I’m afraid that this need to fit in is much more serious then pianos and broccoli. Its been 2 months since her announcement and nothing much has changed other then I have become more aware of her friends, her social media and I feel like I watch even closer, looking for signs of depression. Its exhausting and I feel like I have little control over any of this without pushing her further away.

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    • More research is needed before legislation is enacted, period. On the surface, I’d say if you can enter a space where you don’t belong and no one bats an eye, then enter that space and don’t call attention to yourself. Obama greatly disappointed me when he equated trans reparative therapy with gay reparative therapy, crippling any chance of differentiating between an individuals need versus their desire to be the opposite sex. Since of course no amount of hormones, surgery or training will ever make anyone actually become the opposite sex. We as a society need to consider the needs of the majority first. Is it fair to subject a locker room full of boys or girls to the subjective reality of a handful of opposite sexed students so the latter students feelings aren’t hurt? Should we copitulate to everyone who believes they’re something other than what they are? This is a slippery slope and we all need to consider how far this can go if it isn’t at least slowed down. The best support for those that deny reality is to deny their reality, loudly, not pretend the emperors new clothes look fantastic.

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  3. I think we can all support care and legal protections for people who truly need it – and at the same time be skeptical when our own kids seem to jump on a bandwagon. My own therapist – a somewhat older man – compares this trans moment to the gay rights movement. He said he saw many people experiment with homosexuality, although in the long run they were not gay. It sounded similar to the “desisting” behavior that parents have talked about here with trans.

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  4. I can understand the fear. While there are legitimate gender dysphioric, unfortunately I think there is such a sad opportunity for predators, who are not dysphoric, to take advantage of such a law and prey on others.

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  5. I am so sorry for all of you who have found yourselves in the middle of such a very personal and devastating struggle.

    You shouldn’t feel guilty about having questions or doubts about your child. You just keep loving them and being the parent, protect and nurture your child.

    I am politically more moderate and not a liberal so I have been feeling the fear and concern about how brutal this trans activism has been on society as a whole and particularly on our youth.

    The open arms approach that the government and media and thus society, is wrong. Gender is BS. It is a copout for those with agendas to push in the LGBT arena.

    There should never be treatment that includes permanent, mutilating surgery and cross sex hormones just to help a person “be” the image in the mirror. What about people with anorexia? Should they be encouraged to lose more weight or go on a diet because their preception of themselves is so skewed? How is this really different than a cult?

    I hope each of you get to see your child desisting. I hope for all of our children that we can be proven right in questioning this

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