4thWaveNow was founded in 2015 by Denise, the mother of a teenage girl who suddenly announced she was a trans man after a few weeks of total immersion in YouTube transition vlogs and other trans-oriented social media. Denise’s daughter Chiara has since desisted from identifying as transgender and in 2019 cofounded an organization for desisted/detransitioned women, the Pique Resilience Project.
4thWaveNow founder Denise and friends.
In early 2015, after much research and fruitless searching for an alternative online viewpoint, Denise began writing about her deepening skepticism of the ever-accelerating medical and media fascination with the phenomenon of “transgender children.”
4thWaveNow has now expanded to feature not only Denise’s writing, but that of other parents, formerly trans-identified people, and others with professional expertise and experience with young people questioning their gender identity.
Readers, please introduce yourselves and feel welcome here.
From the founder:
I created this site because mine is a viewpoint that is seldom publicly heard: that of a left-leaning parent who is critical of the dominant paradigm regarding transgender politics and treatment. My primary concern is children, teens, and people in their early 20s, particularly girls who are contemplating medical transition. While I may disagree with their views, I do understand that consenting adults have the right to do what they choose with their own bodies and minds.
Online, I have been accused of being “unsupportive,” even abusive, simply for daring to question whether lifelong medical treatment–injections and plastic surgeries–is the answer for every young person who has gender dysphoria. In my world, caring about, listening to, and lovingly parenting a child or young adult is not necessarily a synonym for unexamined “support” for everything the child says or wants. In fact, one of the main jobs in parenting a teen is, not coercion, but the offering of alternatives; discussing, and sometimes disagreeing.
It is my contention that the medical and psychological establishments are letting us all down in their rush to diagnose young people as “transgender,” then to give the message that medical treatment is the answer. Much of my writing now and in the future will focus on the adults who are encouraging so many young people to pursue extreme treatments. And I do consider hormones and surgery extreme treatment, if there is any possibility that something less drastic might be a solution.
At4thWaveNow, we are interested in hearing from parents, family members, concerned professionals, and allies from across the political spectrum. However, we are not in accord with conservative, religious-fundamentalist views about sexuality. We are strong supporters of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.
Please read blog posts and articles carefully before asking questions or commenting, and check our our FAQs for answers to commonly asked questions.
My daughter just announced 4 weeks ago that she is trans. She never had shown any indications of been a boy. She even wrote in her diary that she is afraid of men. As a mother I got worry, we went to 2 therapy sessions with a pshycologist and without knowing any history, she mentioned blockers. I panic and decided to stop the therapy because I don’t think that is helping with the issue. How a kid knows what they want. I’m thinking that I should put rules in the cellphone and get access to all her social media doesn’t matter if she gets upset. And also want to not do therapy until I can find somebody that is neutral. I don’t want to use the he pronouns and I’m not willing to change her name. She told me that she told the school and they are changing her name to be called whatever she wants. What is going on? This is outrageous. How the schools can do this?
Please need help and guidance I. What to do next.
try this website to find a therapist who is not going to immediately affirm your child’s chosen gender: https://genderexploratory.com/browse/ hope it helps!
I’m a public high school teacher in the US. I am deeply concerned about well intentioned people just like me wanting to provide a safe space for kids exploring their identities. However, in this Orwellian lexicon and set of slogans, one can be judged as a hater if she (yes, I’m firmly identifying as a SHE because it matters that I have specific endocrine and physiological traits that I fear the trans agenda serves to dismiss which will lead to further marginalization of women). questions why a perfectly healthy body cannot just take its time exploring all of the possibilities. The kids need what’s called neutral
positive regard, with no agenda, and a caring, supportive approach to the people they are within the bodies. But I digress.
My questions are specific here today: 1. Where is the ACLU in this, the ACLU I used to rely on to provide protection from groupthink and challenges to individual rights? I’m a feminist. I rebuke anyone assigning me a label such as CIS. Don’t I have a right to identify myself?
2. What’s wrong with affirming body positivity, the idea that your body needs no artificial modification to be a “good” body — even a beautiful one?
Aren’t these reasonable approaches? What might be the push back? I start school next week and want to have a plan. I never let my personal politics infringe on my lessons but I’m sworn to protect children. If I deny their parents medical information (and mental health is health) I’m liable, right? Up is down and right is wrong in this landscape.
And by the way, I view most of the people— children, parents, professionals— as victims of this ideology. Many of them have the equivalent of Stockholm Syndrome.
Thank you all for your open, honest and benevolent efforts. I feel alone and exposed for doing my duty to the vulnerable and promising people I work for and with, so this is my safe space, I suppose!
Thank you. It’s going to take all of us to stop this madness. Keep speaking the truth and asking questions!
Very well put, Elizabeth. You have mentioned all the important points I have brought up to…no one yet. I live in France, since 1981, am a retired art teacher and thank goodness this overblown » madness » has not struck France (yet?) in the same way. For the moment , for an underage child who questions his/ her sexual identity, there is a long series of doctors and psychiatrist visits way before even considering hormones, not to mention life altering surgery. I am horrified the way women athletes in the US are being denied basic rights and being pushed around, saddened by too many ( even if a minority)American children not being allowed, as you say, to just give it a pause, to wait and see what transpires as they enter puberty..or before. The new book by Abigail Shrier, BAD THERAPY, is eye opening.I think she’s on to something. Every human life situation does not necessitate a therapist, much less one who believes a child fully knows himself. What ever happened to learning over time who one is???
Thank you for your comment. There will be resistance! It’s our duty! I’ll have a new grandson in NYC soon, so I care doubly.
Thank you for doing what you believe is right!! I live in Canada and while surgery and hormone blockers are rare, gender “affirmation” has a very strong hold. I consider myself an open-minded, proud feminist and am so sad to see that my child identifies as transgender. They are stereotypically female in every way I can think of (more so than I am), and they readily admit they don’t know why they feel trans, but they are SURE of it and there is NOTHING I can say that will make them change their mind (their words, not mine). I have done my best to listen and be empathetic and try to relate and look at the facts… but at the end of the day, I disagree with the binding and the male emulation and the acts that generally display a lack of self acceptance.
Further, it sucks that my child hates their body, but it sucks more that they so clearly don’t want to be a woman. I blame our patriarchal system and history for that.
I’m farther along in this journey, and my daughter desisted. I did believe that she believed she was trans, I allowed gender expression in clothing and let her use her new nickname, is how I looked at it. I refused puberty blockers, and by the time they prescribed the testosterone at close to 18 the trans issue was not as much of a concern for her. She got a girlfriend or two over the years, and she is a lesbian. Which was always kinda what I thought made the most sense. I’d love to talk hto moms going through this process, it feels like forever, my daughter started at age 11, she’s 20 now and she’s doing really well and she’s in a good relationship with another young woman. She doesn’t think about her identity all the time, like adolescents do. Trans or not. It’s just the time of that development.
I need help.. support.. anythning..
First, find another therapist. Your daughter’s behaviors and desires are likely either due to trauma, algorithmic indoctrination via social media, or both.
In the long term, start looking for new schools. Pay attention to how the schools treat cases like this. If you can’t find one, homeschooling may be your only choice.
I have found 4thwavenow through the book Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier, fascinating and so clearly written. I have a child with dysphoria and I am desperately looking for therapists that treat dysphoria without hormones. My child, 13, was prescribed with hormones in the first session by his new pediatrician. What are the key words to look up for good doctors/therapists/suport groups? I live in the Bay Area and It seems that all doctors are pro-hormones and I am seen as a bad parent.
We have a 14 yo girl who is questioning her gender identity and says she is now interested in double mastectomy when she turns 18. We are in San Francisco and don’t know where to turn for counseling that won’t seek to “affirm” her desire to reject her female body. We feel very alone.
I am currently reading ‘Irreversible Damage’ by Abigail Shrier. I felt like I was reading about my 35 yo daughter who began the exact same process as the one described in Shrier’s book but at an older age.
I know that the book and this site focus on teen girls, but this trans craze also affects adults who have never really accepted themselves the way that they were created. Hence, this is the reason that I have connected with 4thWaveNow as a parent of an adolescent-cum-adult.
I have no solutions to offer, but life goes on. People make their own choices and it is not the fault of parents if their children choose to take a different path despite the problems created by it. That, in the end, is THEIR choice. I refuse to take responsibility for my daughter’s actions, and I no longer feel guilty about being a ‘bad parent’. I hope that this little kernel of wisdom that I’ve gained will be helpful in some small way to parents everywhere who are suffering because of the actions of their children.
MY STORY:
My daughter (known as R here for privacy’s sake) came ‘out’ as a lesbian when she was in high school. No one was surprised. She always did the ‘girlie’ things growing up: Barbie dolls, dresses, makeup, etc. There was no hint at all of her having gender dysphoria. I was always supportive of her choices and supported her through her phases (goth, industrial, atheist, witch, etc). I even went as far as to join PFLAG as well as introduce her to the local LGBT teen club in our area — a safe place for teens to meet each other and socialize.
I suppose that because we were so close, this act of ‘trans was the ultimate rebellion on R’s part; she knew that no one from her family would support her in this ultimate denial of G-d and self. She announced, at the age of 29, that she was ‘trans’ and that we must now use the proper pronouns…or else. She has been doing everything since then to make herself over into the opposite sex. We tried; we really did try so that she would remain part of the family unit. But the day came when we (meaning myself, my son, my other daughter, and my then boyfriend-later husband) could stand it no longer. We refused to say that the emperor was wearing clothes when — in fact — he was quite naked! This, of course did not go over well with R.
I think the final straw was when she decided that she was going to get a mastectomy, but needed OH to pay for it. They said ‘yes, as long as her mother tested positive for the breast cancer gene which meant that she would be at risk.’ I never wanted the genetic test in the first place, but I finally agreed (not knowing at the time her ulterior motive for the testing) and here I was negative. I found out this new info from her when I told her about my test result. Her chance for a ‘free mastectomy’ went out the window and R was very angry with me.
When she met her then girlfriend-now-wife who also has some serious personality issues (not to mention the fact that she admitted she was diagnosed as a psychopath in her teens), the largest division between R and her family (us) took place. She ended up totally cutting everyone out of her life who did not agree with her choices. This was five years ago. We have not spoken nor seen each other since.
R has always been a lost soul…always trying to find the perfect ‘group’ to fit in with to be herself, and never accepting of herself the way she is. In fact, from her behavior over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that not only is she depressed (which she had been diagnosed with as a teen), but that she also has Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve also learned that R remains miserable — perhaps even more so since our falling out — according to the only two people whom she still keep in touch with: My sister and my son.
All I can do now is pray for her and hope that someday she will find happiness. Meanwhile, I live my life without her — a sad loss indeed, but one that I’ve come to accept as a result of refusing to lie to her or myself any longer and one that I do not regret — while she lives without us.
Shalom and G-d bless.
God bless you. Your story has helped me a lot
This is quite close to my sorry with my beloved son who’s is 34. I am so heartbroken. Is there an online support group for us?
I’m so sorry. thank you for sharing your story. The loss is so deep. Yes, we can continue to pray.
Does anyone have any resources that would help my family in a court case? Long story short, we are in danger of losing custody of my 5 year old step son because the other guardian believes he is a transgender girl. She has enrolled him into kindergarten as a girl and talked to him about getting gender reassignment surgery some day. When he spends time with us, we do not see any indication that he is trans other than wanting to play with some stereotypically female toys. We are being accused to being transphobic for questioning whether he is actually trans or just being a kid exploring different interests and phases. Would love to get recommendations to studies, case law, articles to read that would help support our case. particularly looking to information in regards to male to female children transitioning.
I am also interested in this. Thank you!
So awful! This post is old so I am not sure what has happened with your family My daughter is transitioning my 6 year old granddaughter to a boy I can find little to read about small children transitioning
Hello, like so many other parents I learned about 4thWaveNow after reading “irreversible damage” which describes my newly “trans” 14-year-old daughter to the letter. How can I get in touch with other parents going thru this? I’m desperate , pls help !!
I would love this too. Is there a community or forum where we can get in touch with other families going through this?
It doesn’t seem so, would you like to start one?
I would like to be apart of that community too.
I would like to join such a group/forum.
I would like to be part of this communit. I need help
I’m in Australia but I too would like to talk to other parents like me in this situation
Please. I need to find other like minded parents going through this grief and sorrow. I can’t bear to feel this all on my own anymore. Absolutely heartbroken.
Go to the Gender Critical Support Board, here: https://gendercriticalresources.com/Support/index.php
Click on “register,” which is toward the left-hand side of the black bar across the top. Follow the prompts to create an account, and then wait a few hours or maybe a day or so for a moderator to activate your account. All accounts are activated manually so it can take a bit of time. But once your account is activated, you’ll be on a forum with like-minded parents.
Hi, we would also love to join a parental group to chat about how to cope with this craze, has one been started?
I am also in this situation (in Australia) and would love to join a group. It is so hard doing this alone and not being able to get impartial medical support.
I notice that no one seems to have posted anything since 2022 and am wondering if any group was begun. It would be easy enough to begin a private FB group!
To those looking for group support, it looks like we would have to do that for ourselves.
Write me lisasmail4me at g and we can try to put it together.
As for non-conversion (to trans) therapist, there are christian based therapists. As long as they are not overt in their online/office trappings, it might be an option.
I am in Canada, and am a professional in the school system. For years I have happily and blindly followed mandates and direction from on high about inclusivity, acceptance and (what I now know is) affirmation only stance in schools regarding declaration of gender pronouns and identity. Not only did I follow them, but I believed in them. I personally have run GSA clubs, and regularly fly the pride flag (the newer, more inclusive one with more colours on it, which I now know has its own inherent controversy within the community) for months on end in a show of allyship and support. Seemed harmless enough, just accept and include everyone for who they are, right? What did I know about children who claim to be trans, or non binary or anything else I’m only cis after all. I had no special training in mental health comorbidities with gender identity, I had the leads in the school board telling me this is the correct approach, doctors supporting teenage medical procedures for transitioning… I fell in line and did what I was supposed to do, affirm and support, assuming that others had done the appropriate assessments and were following up with appropriate care, because there are others that know more than I do.
At least this is what I thought, until my 11yr old daughter, after weeks of online learning and exposure to hours of anime, and one month into middle school and attending GSA classes, decided that she was non-binary and changed her registration form so that her pronouns could be changed. No one from the school has yet to inform me of this change. I found out because her report card came, and it used the pronoun “they”. When I asked the teachers about it, they said they have to follow the students wishes, without, as it would seem, consultation from her parents, or her doctor, or assessment, or anything. She just decided one day (never having ever displayed any gender dysphoria and having displayed very stereotypically female traits, despite my efforts to be as gender neutral as possible for both my boy and girl, so that they could find the best truest expression of themselves as individuals). In the spirit of support for my child, I do what I have always done and began researching how to best support my child. I became increasingly disturbed by what I found. And so here I am.
I know that my child has a lot of privilege. Parents who love and support with the means to give what she needs for her overall healthy development. Perhaps this is just a “phase” for her as she is caught up in whatever “this” is, trans contagion or something more sinister, but I am afraid for her, and more so for all of the more vulnerable and already marginalized youth that I work with daily. And I am angry. I feel betrayed by all of the systems at play that led me blindly down this path of accept all, and question nothing. Canada has now passed a bill (within the last week) that I knew next to nothing about. Banning conversion therapy. Sounds good, right? Certainly sounds like progress. However I also found out (after the fact) that it also includes that any discussion with a child about other possibilities besides their trans (or other identity) choice, to be a form of conversion therapy, punishable by law. It almost was passed that even parents cannot talk to their children in any other way but to support their “chosen” identity. This all happened so quietly, and I’m afraid I have been completely complicit in it.
Now I am at a loss, and have no idea how to support my child without losing my job, my child, or both, My only choice is to hope on the non binary / trans train, white knuckling it all the way, even though I can see the faulty tracks and know where this ride is heading.
Yes, the legal trajectory is concerning, indeed.
Liz, do you know of any organizations trying to fight this type of legislation?
You are a good mom, and a good teacher. Allow yourself to move past feelings of guilt and see what your role at this point might be 🙂
Hello Liz,
Don’t hope this is just a phase and take a wait and see approach. My 24 year old announced she was exploring her gender July 2021. I didn’t want to break the relationship, so I remained neutral. I didn’t think she would actually take testosterone. She started daily testosterone March 2022 despite my expressing my disagreement on medical side effects. I even gave her the side effects as provided by the pro transition health facility. The informed consent form is completely crazy. I feel like I totally wasted 8 months when I could have been doing more to have an impact. Now I’m playing catch up. My daughter is financially independent and living on her own.
If I had an 11 year old I would completely cut out all internet, no joke. Problem with public school is they do all schoolwork on the internet, and kids have unlimited access to non school related internet on publicly funded school computers. This is a major part of the problem. I’d consider pulling your kid out of public school, seriously.
Hi Liz,
This sounds so familiar with what happened to my 11years old. And I am in Canada too. My daughter told us several weeks ago that she is non-binary. I don’t know what happened, but she changed so much in the last several weeks and I felt like I don’t know her anymore. I am totally scared, although my husband said this is just part of her growing up and exploring her identity. But deep in my heart I am scared. And while I searched online, all is that there is little we can do. She is not saying she is trans at this point, I don’t know if I can trust this as I heard things might change. She is also very into anime recently and I am questioning her peer influence too. I dare not take her to any therapists bcz I know what they are going to say. I really wish I can chat to someone! Let me know pls if you are open to discuss and we can connect via email.
19-year-old transsexual man here, plenty of girls declare themselves to be non-binary, it’s usually just a way of pushing back against gender stereotypes. Declaring themselves genderless is a way of declaring agency and is a normal part of development. Chances are she’ll grow out of it. Very few non-binary people medically transition, those who do usually do so later in life.
I’m in Ontario. I would love to connect with you.
It’s early. This is a serious suggestion though it may sound as if it’s not. If you have the means, Immigrate to Florida, Tennessee, or another US state that is protecting children and homeschool. I thought about leaving Massachusetts back when this started with my kid and my husband said no and we regretted it ever since. I’m not sure if homeschooling is legal where you are but if that is your only option, I would do it now.
I live in Minnesota, a sanctuary state. My daughter has turned my 6 year old granddaughter to a trans boy and no longer allows me to see my three grandchildren Our Duty USA connected me with three other grandparents We are forming a support and activist group for grandparents Other grandparents affected by this trans cult can join us by contacting Our Duty USA Anyone can help us by writing to their senators and congressmen and urging them to pass the “Protect Children’s Innocence Act” Write paper letters and write often Call them also All states need to make gender affirming care illegal!
Thank you. Keep shouting. It’s going to take all of us to stop this madness!
To all those saying she will grow out of it: Not if she is fully affirmed. A wedge will be driven between her and her non affirmative family.
Just adding fuel to the fire here. Our 24 year old, probably mildly autistic daughter announced out of the blue a couple months ago that she is actually a trans man. You could have knocked my wife and I over with a feather. She never displayed any interest in stereotypical male anything until this point. She did spend a lot of time, though, on social media when she was locked down for Covid (sound familiar?) She always struggled socially and before her announcement had no close friends (also sound familiar?) Now she is mentioning lots of new “friends”. We have found virtually no support except for the local transgender clinic, which is happy to hand out powerful and probably harmful medications without anything more than the “feeling” of the presenting adult. It seems absolutely crazy that the only thing available is “affirmative” treatment – no question whatsoever that such an extraordinary claim might need a shred of evidence.
What are other people doing? Reading the comments above, seems like others are just as frustrated with the sudden conversions.
This sound board is like a mirror. It’s crazy. Looking for sensible resources, no one willing to be public.
This is such a breath of fresh air, glad to have found this blog. I’m a clinical psychologist and have been at it for a while, problematizing the the trans trend rising in our community without pushback. I am a Jungian and have a few theories of why this is happening… I look forward to reading and sharing ideas here. Best.
Brooke! I’m an LCSW and my daughter states she is Trans. Just trying to find answers, I haven’t pushed but this is becoming more clinically significant. Interested to hear your thoughts and observations with your population.
Thank you
Kelly
My story is similar to others here, but my daughter is older. She is 26 and was a fairly well-adjusted, happy kid–“cisgender”–though that was not a common term until trans propaganda turned the world upside down. She was a successful student who landed a scholarship to a highly-rated liberal arts college, Grinnell University, in Iowa. From the outside, it seemed a typical midwestern school, but during her time there, I slowly realized it was a gender laboratory, as is the case with a lot of highly-rated, selective liberal arts colleges in the U.S. A year out of college and on her own, she began to change in appearance, but it took her another year to tell me that she now identifies as nonbinary and has altered her name. She insists that others call her “they,” though she says that she is both nonbinary and trans, whatever the hell that means. My bewilderment, grief, and yes, anger, she insists, should be dealt with elsewhere, and she will have a relationship with me once I come to terms with all of this and essentially affirm it. It feels like the ultimate gaslighting: “You must deny that I am a biological female, and if you slip up, I will deny you a relationship with me.” I could say so much more, but honestly, I feel so unstable myself as a result of all this that all I want to do is hide. I can only envision a future in which I go off the grid and live alone, away from a world that is condoning all of this. There are no therapists for parents who view this whole trend as insane; there are only therapists who help parents “get on board.” Either I’m insane or the world is, and either way, I don’t want to live in it anymore.
I have that same fantasy of exiting society. My daughter has been at it for a couple years now. Entire school, town and most of my family happy to go along with it.
We are also in the same situation with our adult daughter and we are struggling. There seems to be an opportunity for therapy to get to the root of the underlying issues driving this wave yet as parents we do not know where to begin to access this support that seems to be very well hidden and controversial to the detriment of our young adult children.
Yes, yes, and yes. If anyone finds a 4th-wave support group, please post!
Janie- You are not alone. My husband and I completely sympathize and are going thru this too as our 29 yr old son has done the same. At least, he used to be our son. We don’t know where this has come from and want off this crazy train. It’s dark and it’s evil. I also want to run away and hide. I can barely work, so distracted and sad. It’s horrible!! Here is my email, if you want to talk. This isn’t a club we want to be in but, here we are.
lizbiz357@gmail.com
I pray for your peace. Please pray for mine. 💕
hi!
My story is the same as yours. I would love to talk with you. My daughter was a regular young woman and lots of friends and and took the transgender man detour this last year at the age of 24, a year out of college. Text me at 6932193553 if you want to talk.
Lisa
This might sound crazy but you might like to consider the role of electromagnetic radiation, specifically microwaves from wireless devices (wifi, cell phones etc). I am sensitive to microwaves and have been for 20 years. Like most ‘electrosensitive’ people I had no idea what was happening at first. All I knew was that I felt a debilitating anxiety and depression together with a indescribable sense of ‘wrongness’, ‘revulsion’ and ‘discordance’. It took me years to figure out the cause (wireless technology) and it takes months of total wireless avoidance for me to shake off the brain fog and start to feel human again (it’s like being reborn!).
Looking at the ROGD phenomenon, as well as ‘snowflake’ culture and society as a whole (!) I recognise many of the symptoms of microwave poisoning.
I am not denying the social, political and ideological agendas that are at play. But I don’t think they would have such a grip on society if we weren’t all being poisoned electromagnetically, and therefore made weak, confused and vulnerable to such predations.
And of course, if we are not aware we are being poisoned, we will tend to look for some kind of reasonable explanation, so we can make sense of our distress. We might project our feelings of discomfort, anxiety and revulsion outwardly onto the world (the patriarchy, microaggressions etc) or inwardly (dysphoria, identity issues etc).
FWIW I am not denying ‘trans’ as a (historically rare) condition, but I think that what is referred to as ‘trans’ today is actually a large basket of factors, conditions and states of being that need unpicking (a colossal task!).
I believe when microwave poisoning is acknowledged and the symptoms are understood, millions of people will finally be able to make sense of their tortured lives (as I did). And the wireless industry will implode as microwave-free living gains popularity.
I’ve started a blog to lay out my personal experiences, thoughts and the science behind it all. I’d be interested if any of this resonates with your experiences. Any comments or criticisms welcome 🙂
https://planetarydetox.substack.com/
Your story is sooo similar to mine. My son was 24 when he told me over the phone from thousands of miles away that he was transgender. Happened during CoVid lockdown in a country that remains closed to foreigners to this day. Isolated? Obsessed with anime & fantasy?? Gifted?He was happy & thriving, no problems until now, where everything seems to have been put on hold while he focuses on transition. And the same bullying mantra, accept, or don’t. No care or concern is tolerated. Viewed so readily by others as a bigot, I have spent the last year, wanting to hide too, silenced, devastated at the loss. Help is needed for these individuals, serious help in managing disphoria, Help in celebrating what you have & not what you don’t have. Such desperately serious consequences of medical intervention. We can share our stories, thankful for brave public figures who are able to articulate & stop the insanity of this contagion
A friend whose daughter began testosterone at 21. My story is very similar to Jane’s. My “cisgender” daughter was a great student, a hard worker, an accomplished dancer, and dated males. We were always extremely close and I saw her as a burgeoning, strong woman. She then got a scholarship to a highly competitive “historically female institution” (no longer referred to as a women’s college) and by spring term she blithely told me she had a crush on a woman. Since then, it’s been a long journey. Her godparents are a lesbian couple and I am a strong supporter of LGBTQ rights, but I’m in this place where I can’t figure out “what” she is. She identified as queer, then pansexual, and now very recently at 24, is identifying as non-binary and talking about microdosing testosterone and will wear only men’s clothing. She is also what I might call “languishing” – working from home only three days per week (but making ends meet) and it seems like spending a lot of her energy thinking and talking about gender with her friends and her therapist, ALL of whom are queer or non-binary. It’s like an echo chamber. She’s been dating a wonderful, heterosexual, cisgender man since October who is supporting her through this change – making it all the more confusing I guess. I am simply terrified of what this might do to her body. My friend’s daughter has not fared particularly well and has been no happier post-transition (hormones only, no surgery). I am so concerned for all of our youth about this hyper focus on gender…while still insisting that gender doesn’t matter. If there is a support group for parents of people in their twenties, I would love to be part of it. It does feel like any questioning from me is rejected (albeit gently and kindly, as if I am a child), and although of course we should all support our children emotionally, I do also feel like just affirming everything is not the answer – and is not honest on our part.
Sorry, meant to begin “I was referred by a friend whose daughter…”
My 17 yrs old son started to talk about being a transgender, feels like a girl, whilst he still has a girlfriend for the last two years almost but he told me that he wants to go for hormone therapy!
He keeps saying he likes girls but he is pansexual. Unbelievable!
He did not have any tendencies as a child, actually refused to wear pink ” because it is a girl thing”, playing with cars, legos, all the electronic toys, construction buildings and stuff. I am not saying this is what a boy do, I am just saying, there was no any hint from him saying ” I am a girl or I like to dress like a girl”.
All this happened within a year or maybe two. He has anxiety problems, scared to lose his hair, wants to remove body hair. Short way for this? Hormone therapy.
Thanks to his 18yrs old girlfriend, she thinks she supports him to be whatever he wants to be (her words, not mine). I was going mad after hearing what she was saying. I had a heated argument with her, I asked her ” how can you talk about love by -supporting him- to something you don’t know how it will effect him, whilst it is very likely with serious effecting consequences? She was repeating like a parrot ”if this is what he feels I support him”.
It took me three days to convince him to go for hormone therapy until he is 25 years old, then we will talk again.
His friends, one of them is a transgender, 18 years old has influence on him as well.
I strongly dislike his girlfriend after the conversation we had tonight and I suggested him ” As long as you are not happy with the way you look – he is a handsome gal by the way- what makes you think, you would be happy with your ”adjusted” look”?
So far, he seems to agree with me but as long as this girl friend and a couple of friends around him, I don’t know how often I must ”update” his brain.
I am going mad…
Unfortunately, there are too many parents and children going through this right now. We have been struggling with the same issues for a few years and now our daughter insists on starting hormones, although she has never shown any tendencies that would lead us to think she was trans!. Changed her name at school, didn’t tell us, I will not repeat, its the same thing you are all reporting. I would really like to form a group where we can help each other in a positive way with some solutions, not complaining. Perhaps together we can do something positive for each other and our kids. Without leaving my personal email on the internet to be spammed, I am not sure how to connect with all of you and set up a time we could talk. Any ideas?
I am a nineteen year old transsexual man who struggled with gender identity since I was a child. I declared myself to be a boy when I was four and continued on insisting my entire childhood and adolescence- I ran around shirtless, attempted to pee standing up, and wore socks in my pants to resemble a bulge. Back then, nobody knew what transgender was, I had no gender therapist, no hormones, nothing like that. And guess what? I survived! My parents simply let me be myself, no pushing around and no doctors breathing down my neck. I started taking a low dose of testosterone three months ago and I’ve never felt better. So, as a young transsexual, allow me to give some advice to parents of teen girls who declare themselves to be transgendered.
Keep them away from any crazy online spaces, let them do what they want, and they’ll eventually sort themselves out. Either they’ll end up being a transsexual or they’ll grow out of it. Medical transition is rarely an urgent matter, even though it might feel like it is. If they insist that they want to start taking hormones, remind them that they have all the time in the world and don’t need to make decisions right away. Try to introduce them to older transsexuals in the community so they have role models that aren’t a bunch of confused teenagers on the internet.
Another important thing is exercise! Many young women feel weak and vulnerable compared to their male peers and some of them are led to believe that transitioning is the solution to this. If your daughter declares herself to be transgendered, encourage her to take weightlifting and martial arts classes. Transsexual or not, this will help them become more confident in their body. I can’t believe more people don’t talk about this, as weightlifting is an obvious and reversible way to make one appear more masculine.
Being a teenager is difficult, especially nowadays. It’s perfectly normal for teenagers to struggle with their identity. They’ll eventually figure it out in the end, just like generations of people did before them.
An observation. That mother’s (and doctors) are puzzled how incredibly supportive mother’s, who cheer on all the vagaries of a teen daughter’s life –Wicca, Goth, Pansexual, Non binary and then Trans–can suddenly be turned on by the same daughters who they are affirming. To the extent that relationships are severed. How can such loving, supportive and affirming parents suddenly be dismissed as transphobic and bigoted by their daughters. Or simply dismissed as not supportive.
Particularly since the progressive mothers have never offered anything to rebel against. And they are being as affirming as they can possibly be, so why the rift in the relationship?
Well these mother’s in the midst of their ‘affirming’ are doing just that. Inadvertently offering something to rebel against: . Their very participation is what the girls are rebelling against. It’s not longer just support.
Progressive mother’s have a tendency to not only cheer-lead the non gender conforming life, but actively participate in the daughter’s ‘trans’ life to the extent they make their daughter’s GD about them. They are right in there, supportive, non restrictive, affirming their daughters buying them affirming clothing and encouraging haircuts and behavior changes. Then they are seen as hip, cool and with it Progressive open minded Moms that they can virtue signal and preen over publicly.
However they nearly always go over the line with this. Suddenly the daughter being ‘trans’, this unique and special situation, takes a back seat to the mother’s tendency to make it all about herself. Very common and not just about trans related situations. It then becomes all about being the cool mother of a hip new phenom. It validates their particular political schism. Then it becomes a competition.
We don’t have any trans gender girls in my immediate family however, we have a great deal of separation and rift between my super progressive sisters and their children for the same reason. Their children become a means through which they exercise their own political attitudes and then everything becomes about them. I fortunately avoided this with my own daughter who entertained an ‘out of nowhere’ decision to be a lesbian for a brief time. I didn’t affirm, judge or become reactionary. None of this had anything to do with me at all, it was basically her situation. I was neither dismissive nor tempted to virtue signal how open minded I was. I noticed her attempts to have gay relationships fell flat. She really wasn’t interested. But she was still very much interested in boys. At the end of the day this was a means of rebelling against her father, a progressive ‘me me me, its all about me,’ sort of father. It had the desired effect. And she quickly lost interest in her orientation. All without me having to life a finger. Just listen, be there but not involve myself anymore than what it took to be a connected parent.
I’ve found a distinct difference as well between trans girls and young adults brought up and living in more conservative and rural areas vs coast liberals and Progressives. I work with several of them. The relationship rifts don’t occur with as much frequency. The attitude that parents are really closet bigots isn’t as pervasive. There’s more humor in the situation and healthy coping mechanisms. There is are numerous reasons for this as well which are observations for another day.
What progressive parent wouldn’t want to be viewed as a super duper uber progressive parent. Super Progressive Parent who desires their own participation trophy. It becomes a competition for attention really. The daughter begins to resent mother stealing the spotlight and making it all about herself, her feelings, her attitudes. Her daughter is then something that makes her a standout. That is what these ‘trans’ daughters are rebelling against. The competition for attention.
Competing mommies are nothing new on either side of the political spectrum and daughters who rebel against mother’s who make everything about them are nothing new either. The phenom has just been transferred to the relationship between the daughter who believes she is trans and the mother who is competing for attention. A weird sort of Munchhausens, perhaps.
Hi, I was wondering about resources about children in foster care / youth care (I don’t know the official term in English) / in unstable families / orphans and how this relates to a much higher incidence of trans-identifying youngsters because of all the comorbidities that bad care brings with it. I know from quite some anecdotal evidence that this is a thing, but I don’t have the resources to prove it. Anything who has any tips/links?
Can someone tell me if this group is trans-supportive?
I’m a mother of a newly-transitioned 13-year-old trans son who showed signs of being trans since he was three-years-old (so is not one of these out-of-the-blue transitioners). I’m socially and politically liberal, but I’ve been worried about the blunt-instrument healthcare approaches to trans youth so have held back from engaging with the system. I’m enough of a skeptic that I took care throughout his non-conforming childhood not to expose him to information about transgender. I wanted him to have the time and space to discover who he was as a person and not have to choose a simple, binary identity. He’s happy living socially as a boy now (he socially transitioned without telling me, though he “came out” to me first), but isn’t 100% sure what his future gender situation will be. I sort of think he might be some wonderful new, unclassifiable thing – and why not?
But might “be” a boy, and I don’t want anything to do with a group that wouldn’t support him and me as his parent, and support us in doing what we really felt was right for him, which, for now, is simply allowing him to wear a binder (with concerns). He’s happy, but if he had been or became seriously depressed and if, listening to him respectfully – and questioning him thoroughly – I felt he really, really, really needed, say, some testosterone (no surgery!) to be okay, I’d explore that option. I don’t think this is one size fits all for anyone.
So, is this site supportive of the idea that there are “real” trans kids who do benefit from affirming care (though under a much more careful, nuanced medical paradigm)?
Thanks!
Your child is so lucky to have a parent that affirms their identity. Reading through these posts, I think of all the kids whose parents wonder why they are depressed, anxious, or suicidal, all while misgendering them and refusing to consider alternatives to what they consider “normal”, accentuating the fact that they think their kids behavior is “crazy”.
It’s easy to blame social media, but it take a lot more guts to actually try to understand and connect with your child, even if something scares you or is outside of your comfort zone.
I’m a therapist who has worked with kids and adults dealing with identity transitions, and its undoubtedly a complex thing. It’s shocking, though, to read these comments from parents who are so unwilling to be pushed or uncomfortable that they sacrifice their relationships with their own children.
Your affirming and caring post really stood out to me amid this sea of scared, frustrated parents. I admire your ability to own your concerns without taking your fears out on your child or allowing them to cloud your ability to really support him – who is undoubtedly a “wonderful, new un-classifiable thing”! <3
Helen,
There are a lot of things that make being a gender non-conforming girl very difficult, especially puberty, suspecting you might be a lesbian, etc. I know because I was one and I’m grateful that medicalization was not an option when I was that age, also grateful that I was blissfully ignorant at that age about my sexuality. But, I was not ignorant about the the overt and covert limitations on me because I was a girl. I was also painfully aware of and clueless of how to handle the sexualizing comments I received from boys as well as adult men both directed to me personally and just generally in the world at and about women and girls.
Go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaFw4-0dxWY and watch the interview with Vaishnavi Sundar and the 4 part film she made; Dysphoric: Fleeing Womanhood Like a House on Fire, links are included by clicking on “Show More”. Go also to genspect.com they may have supporting resources you may find helpful however your child ends up identifying. Know also that as an adult, I have embraced being a woman over the years and am very glad and happy that I am a gender non-conforming/butch lesbian (over any other option) even in this still very misogynistic society.
Most recently though there are two things that have literally brought me to tears. First, that it seems as if we are in the midst of losing an entire generation of young butch lesbians the same way we lost a generation of young gay men in the 1980’s to AIDS. Secondly, is that if I were your daughters age and feeling as badly about myself as I felt then, but today, I may very well have succumbed to the transgender craze, medicalized as much as possible, and made it impossible to have given birth to my two, now adult daughters one of which will be making me a grandmother in February 2023.
And I’m somewhat reluctant to acknowledge (out of a sense of decorum), but will anyway, that I would also have missed out on a very satisfying and all around great sex life. I’m pretty sure I’ve read somewhere that studies document that lesbians routinely have the most satisfying sex lives compared to other women & men, gay or straight. Men may have more frequent sex, but we have the best (I think because we’re too tired for more often)!
But, what ever path your child ends up on, self acceptance will be required as a foundation for building a happy life…
Take care,
Sherrie
Have any support groups been born out of this chat? If so, I’d love to join.
Hello, no one replied to you yet but I was hoping maybe you have found some information for a support group. I’m feeling so lost and would love a group. Thanks!
I am in the same boat. I feel lost and utterly alone. I would love to form a group. Is there a social media platform we could use to chat online? Any ideas? A private Facebook group or something?
Hello,
I am in the same boat. I would love to join other parents that love their kids and want to support them without harming them.
I am an actual ‘transgender’ man (dont even like that word.
heart goes out to all these parents. the internet/ globalist grooming has corrupted children.
“pansexual” and non-bianary do not exsist, it is a result of mental health problems and this wierd ‘transtrending’.
I live my life as a normal man, iv known i was a man since around the age of 10. I started transitioning at 16, despite being raised in a roman catholic family who had no support at all for transgender things.
luckily they and many people in my life were suppportive, it was very obvios to them as i displayed rejection of pretty much anything feminine from a very young age. When i went through what i did this was no trend, the statistics at the very highest was 1 in 1000 people were transgender.
,my point is that if your child is really the opposite gender of their sex than it will come of no real surprise to you.
The gender nuetral thing is being pushed as a trend and these kids have no idea what real transgender people actually are, because we are living normal lives and not parading ourselfs around as freaks in “pride parades” or “tik toks”. this world has gone to shit.
my advice is to pull ypur kids out of public school, and have no internet in your house or wired to a computor where it can be monitored.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all parents struggling with this, know that the real transgender community stands behind you.
May god bless you and yours in the name of Christ.
I’m a library director in Connecticut. Do you have any brochures, or other literature, that I might display on a bulletin board? So many parents come in looking for information because their child, usually a daughter, is talking about transitioning.
Look at GenSpect website. Plenty there to help parents, educators, clinicians.
I have a 13 year old daughter who claimed that she was transgender about a year ago. She was never a boyish girl early in her life. According to information we were provided at the time we agreed to social transitioning. Short hair cut, boggy clothes, male pronoun, new name, etc… We did not agree with puberty blockers or any hormone therapy. She has been seeing an affirmative care fan therapist. Then, I read Abigail Shrier’s book last week and also read Dr. Littman’s research. Now I feel horrible as a parent and don’t know how to correct the situation. I would love to hear recommendations from experienced people. Shall I continue to support my child with new name and male pronouns or do I sit down with her and explain that I don’t believe that she is transgender? How can I steer her in the right direction without causing harm to her and to our relationship? Thanks in advance!
ShieldCrest Publishing would like to bring your attention to a recently released book by Dr Raj Pathagoerer that is very relevant to 4thwavenow’s wellbeing endeavours. It is entitled:
BETTER SURE THAN SORRY: AN EXPLORATION OF TRANSGENDER PSYCHOLOGY THAT AIMS TO REDUCE THE RISK OF GENDER TRANSITION REGRET
4thwavenow has been mentioned in the final part of the book under the heading of, “Bibliography, Acknowledgements Regarding Content and Highly Recommended Reading”.
ShieldCrest would be most happy to send you a free copy of the book for your perusal and requests to know the best address to send a copy. Please reply to this email if you would like a copy.
As you are of course painfully aware people are either strongly pro-gender transition or strongly sceptical about gender transition and that there is a “war” between the two “sides”. This book tries to take a middle of the road approach that will be acceptable to the two opposing “sides”.
The author acknowledges that some people deeply feel that they know that full hormonal and surgical gender transition is right for them and can allow them to make the best of their life. Many other people are also able to live their best life in a variety of ways of gender expression and sexual orientation. The author wishes them all well in their chosen way of living.
HOWEVER
Unfortunately, there is a growing number of who people make the wrong decision about full gender transition. As you are acutely aware, if gender transition is a mistake it can lead to a lifetime of bitter regret.
A wrong decision is more likely to be made by an immature young mind or someone who is struggling badly with their mental wellbeing.
This book was written by a retired doctor with forty years of experience to try to fill a gap in the transgender literature. It is not claimed to be a wholly academic publication but pays attention to both the good and extremely worrying aspects of gender transition. It is a safeguarding publication that has ten aims:
1. To explain how transgender feelings in certain people at any age can result from complex processes in the unconscious mind.
2. To discuss how Social Media, family and societal factors can influence transgender feelings – particularly in young people.
3. To describe the possible side effects of hormonal and surgical gender transition treatments.
4. To protect young children and adolescents from mis-judged permanent life-changing treatments.
5. To try to reduce the overall risk of gender transition regret.
6. To suggest that anyone who is considering gender transition has their deepest feelings explored with the assistance of a psychotherapist – as a precaution.
7. To provide a small reference book for psychiatric nurses, psychotherapists, social workers, support workers, doctors in general practice or hospital and the loved ones of children – or anyone who has transgender feelings.
8. To encourage meaningful discussion between transgender and cisgender people to promote a mutual understanding and a comfortable coexistence – for the benefit of all concerned.
9. To emphasise the importance of fair and reasonable treatment for all of those in the LGBTQIA+ population – no matter how they choose to express their gender identity and sexual orientation.
10. To highlight serious concerns about the way in which the United Kingdom’s National Health Service is being badly miss-managed and that this severely limits the availability appropriate transgender care and psychological care.
In the book parents are strongly advised that the immature mind of a young child or an adolescent is extremely unlikely to fully understand adult sexual relationships and the emotions behind wanting a child later in life.
Parents are requested to keep in mind that after some types of gender transition treatment – there is no going back.
There are two undeniable realities:
1. That full gender transition can give some people their best possible life BUT
2. Mistaken gender transition can give someone their worst possible life.
In writing this safeguarding book the author has had to enter areas that are controversial to both pro-gender transition and gender transition cautionary groups. This disagreement itself indicates that full and open discussion is absolutely vital for the protection of children and young adults. It is sincerely hoped that an approach that is both trans-supporting and trans-cautious can be taken in the future.
If you feel that this book is of any value to safeguarding work and 4thwavenow wish to sell it via your website please do let ShieldCrest Publishing know and we will facilitate this for our mutual benefit. The book is presently available direct from the publisher, Amazon and many other online bookshops.
Thank you,
ShieldCrest Publishing.
Glad I found this site. Aching a lot about this issue with one of my children.
Also check out the Society for Evidence-Based Gender Medicine (SEGM) at https://segm.org/ – a strictly non-partisan organization of clinicians whose aim is to address the science, or lack thereof.
Carla,
You are not alone. 8 years ago, 4th wave was my only refuge. Thankfully, we now have many resources.
Keep fighting!
Hi Carla, there are 1000s of us out here. Are you in the USA? Do you know about PITT (Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Transgenderism)? Are you on twitter?
Check out the Center for Bioethics and Culture Network and their youtube channel.
https://cbc-network.org/2023/04/breaking-the-narrative-on-gender-ideology/
You might also find this helpful:
https://affirmingreality.com
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Hello- I am a mother of a 17 year old boy wanting to identify as a women. I am at a loss and feel like I am not being heard by his therapist. He has an extensive medical and psychological background and has refused to listen. I sent a long email with my child’s history and current behaviors and his response has me physically sick and lost. I feel so alone in how to navigate all of this.
Hi Alanna,
You are not alone. Back in 2015 when my nightmare began, 4thwavenow was the only resource.
Please reach out and quickly educate yourself while you still have a minor child with some control.
Do NOT cave to anyone who tells you to affirm and that this came to your son organically. Do not trust the therapists.
Feel free to contact me.
Cltsmf1976@gmail.com
Hi. I’m so glad to find this website. My beautiful daughter never showed any signs she wanted to be a boy. Always loved girly clothes and anything feminine. At age 16 she had something traumatic happen to her. She began cutting and suicidal ideation. The depression overtook her entire life. Our family worked hard to help her, but she had changed drastically. She abandoned her faith. She spent endless time on the internet. First she told us she was gay. That was fine, and not a big surprise, to be honest. She eventually told us she was a boy. That was a shock. She now has rewritten her entire childhood history—convincing herself (and trying to convince us) that she felt this way all along. But it’s an alternate reality she has created. My heart breaks for her and the young woman she was becoming. When in public, she tries so hard to act masculine. At home, she doesn’t try nearly as hard, and I can see my girl. It’s been two years now. And I wait for her to wake up and stop being afraid, stop hiding herself.
I feel alone. The world tells me to accept and embrace this. My intuition tells me my daughter is still in there behind the mask. She’s an adult. I have no say in anything she does. Her transition is still social, but I live in fear that she’ll take a step she can’t come back from. It’s heartbreaking.
I have a very similar situation with my daughter going on 3 years now. It completely destroyed me and changed who I am as a person and as a parent. Please follow https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/ So many of those young people got affected by the propaganda. A lot of them come to realize it later. Too late for many of them but there is hope. Those stories just need to be shared more.
I feel for you both so much, having been in your situation a few years ago with my daughter. The difference for me was that she was still a child, it lasted from age 12 to 15. Initially I tried to accept what the media was telling us all but it didn’t ring true, our daughter had always been feminine till then but had been badly bullied and felt different.
We acknowledged her feelings and even took her to CAMHS and the gender identity disorder service, hoping the latter would explore her feelings. They didn’t of course, and didn’t know how to handle a situation where parents didn’t blindly accept the child’s change of gender. CAMHS was much more helpful, suggesting that she didn’t make any changes unless and until she felt uncomfortable with the current ones – she adopted a gender neutral name and wore boys clothes, both of which we accepted. I acknowledged that she firmly believed she was male but made it clear that I did not agree that she was. I said that either one of us may be right and therefore we should both keep an open mind about what she would feel in the future as some people desist and some don’t. I emailed her stories from detransitioners and asked her to read them as a way of looking at both scenarios. She never said if she did or not but I think she would have done. Gradually she started to become more and more feminine, stating that she was gender neutral then later conceded that she was female. This was hard for her, having made such a big thing of coming out as trans. She did not respond well if these changes were commented on so as a family we tried not to do so, though inside we celebrated each small step.
We are 4 years on from this nightmare and she still struggles with her mood and emotions but is definitely happier and quite clear that she is female. We are pretty sure she is autistic, the assessment is ongoing but she fits the profile of a high functioning autistic person. This is the case with so many of these girls of course. She doesn’t like to discuss the time she thought she was male, she simply says that she was mentally unwell at the time. She can’t or won’t say what helped her and what didn’t which is a shame as I think it might help others if she could identify this. What I do feel however, is that it was important that we kept the possibility of desisting on the agenda, so she had a way back. Parents are, understandably, agraid to challenge their childrens belief for fear of rejection or worse, but blind acceptance doesnt help either. , There is, in my opinion, always a mental disorder behind gender dysphoria, which needs to be addressed. I sincerely hope all your children get the help they need.
Thank you so much for sharing. My daughter is about to turn 15 so I’m still hopeful she will see things the way they are before she is an adult. And I’ll always be a reminder who she really is. I will not use the new name or the pronoun. I allow her wear boys clothing and cut her hair short but that’s where I draw the line. I know her and I KNOW she is not trans.
Estimada Denise:
Llegué a este sitio leyendo el libro “Un daño irreversible” de Abigail Shrier. Soy docente de Buenos Aires, Argentina. Te felicito por tu valentía de hacer este blog. La ideología de género está presente en los contenidos educativos de las escuelas argentinas pero aún estamos a tiempo de detener la locura ya que no llegó al extremo que se vive en Canadá y Estados Unidos. Esto es parte de un plan mundial y de la Agenda 2030. Dios nos dé fuerza y sabiduría para luchar contra está corriente cultural que busca la destrucción de la humanidad. Dios te bendiga
Ileana Falconnat
Dear Grace, I feel so much for you. To lose a beautiful and loving daughter to a trans ideology gone mad is horrific but I do hope she works through it and finds her way back to the person she truly was and returns to you. I can only guess at the terrible pain you must feel.
I’m a male to female Transsexual who underwent complete surgery 30 years ago. As a group we can see the appalling damage that transgender (people radically different to us) and its rampant ideology is doing to young lives and their families. We have lived experiences and feel we understand exactly what is going on today and so dearly wish to help society back to normality.
Currently transsexuals are under threat of erasure by the far larger transgender movement, but here in the UK I am lobbying the Government to rethink their misguided plans to outlaw us and to instead consider proposals a group of us are offering to implement stronger protections for women and girls in their spaces plus tighter safeguarding for confused young people and for doctors to relearn about genuine sex dysphoria.
This we hope will prevent any further medical blunders that have blighted young lives as has occurred at the Tavistock Clinic in recent years.
Alas my pleas are falling on deaf ears and the media seems disinterested. Believe me I have cried bucket loads in recent weeks at the serious way things are going and noone seems to want to listen to us. But so long as there is hope I will keep trying.
Take care and all the very best for your daughter.
Denise, In 2019 our then 12 yo daughter came out as trans-identified. It made not sense, she was a tomboy, maybe a lesbian. The rest of the story I’m sure you have heard a 1000 times. I want to tell you that shortly after her announcment I stumbled on your blog-site. It was literally all I could find on the Internet. Back then there was NOTHING for non-affirming parents. Your blog gave me courage to stand up to the school, our friends, her doctor, her thearapist – it felt like the whole world had gone mad and was against us. Your blog-site and my fabulous husband were the only ones helping me feel not alone.
It’s been four years, and although my daughter still believes in gender woo, she’s switched from identifying as a boy to identifying as nonbianary and is now living comfortably in her female body.
Mostly, what I want to tell you is that you matter. What you did mattered. What you do matters. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you and your family much happiness and love.
Amen! Yes, thank you Denise. You were the only one out there in 2015 when my nightmare began. I’m still in the nightmare but at least I know I’m not crazy because of you! By speaking up and out, I have maintained my sanity. I will continue until I draw my last breath to save a child and a family from this.
My daughter has been struggling with her gender identity. She has gone through so many gender identities I can’t even count anymore. She started cutting when all this started and I have had her in therapy but, the therapists do not agree with me when I say I will not call her a him. She can dress how she wishes but, the I think it is giving into a delusion that she is a male. She now identifies as gender flux and says only sometimes does she feel she is female. I’m at a loss as her therapists tell me I am wrong that the science says she could feel like a male. She is depressed and honestly so am I. I have no idea what to do for her. Our state does not allow hormone or surgery until they are 18 but, I feel if she keeps insisting she is male that this will happen! How do I keep my little girl. Crying as I write this….
Hi Becky, this blog was one of the first I found too. But there are many more groups of parents out here now. (DM me on X @FormerlyWoke)
Stay away from all “therapy” – they will tell her she’s “trans.” Homeschool – this is all coming from the schools. Get her off the internet. Easier said than done, I know.
You’re probably liberal like I was. And believed that “trans ” is a real thing, albeit a mental illness. That’s not what any of this is. And it was never real.
You’re not alone. You’re not the bad guy, and you aren’t the crazy one.
I can so relate to all of this and have been going through my own personal hell here as my young adult son (at 20yrs old) whiplashed us with this trans movement. I was liberal as well and the past few years made me steer clear of leaning left. This entire agenda of saying transgender is not a mental illness but a real condition that can be treated via harmful medication and body mutilation. I wake up every day and want to scream and then cry. I hope we all can wake up from this nightmare sooner than later. This is not going to turn out well for any of us. I’m just so thankful for this support group. 🙏
Please Please Share this and Subscribe. More to come. My family has been affected, as many others. My heart goes out to these kids who are being entrapped…..https://rumble.com/v4b8ycw-artk211-sherryb-walt-heyer-detransitioned-from-laura-for-8-yrs-transgenderi.html
Thank you Elizabeth for caring and speaking sense. I too have been a school teacher and have children who went thru the public school system and unfortunatley were indoctrinated to different degrees…I’ll leave it at that. I am on a mission to save our kids – just a little common sense here and not a New World Order agenda. Please Subscribe and share with more great interviews of the like to come –
Thank you Elizabeth for caring and speaking sense. I too have been a school teacher and have children who went thru the public school system and unfortunatley were indoctrinated to different degrees…I’ll leave it at that. I am on a mission to save our kids – just a little common sense here and not a New World Order agenda. Please Subscribe and share with more great interviews of the like to come – https://rumble.com/v4b8ycw-artk211-sherryb-walt-heyer-detransitioned-from-laura-for-8-yrs-transgenderi.html
Yes, Sherry. Thank you for the link. All the best to you and your children.
The gender giraffe is really valuable antidote to the genderbread person. It’s on Genspect site
https://rumble.com/v4b8ycw-artk211-sherryb-walt-heyer-detransitioned-from-laura-for-8-yrs-transgenderi.html
Is there a list of books for children to counteract the narrative that one can change one’s sex? I’d like to let people know about this one, hopefully to become a children’s classic.
https://www.amazon.com/Arbuckle-Sloan-Greg-Trine-ebook/dp/B0CRQVL3NT/
ARBUCKLE AND SLOAN by Greg Trine is “for children of all ages” and a fine way to innoculate young kids against the genderbread being peddled even in pre-school. A dog is persuaded by the neighbor cat to become more catlike, even become a “cat” although there are certain biological differences. But can he be truly happy as a cat?
My Body is Me is another. By Rachel Rooney.
https://www.transgendertrend.com/product/my-body-is-me/
Is there a source for trans-skeptical or critical counselors I can access by geography? My teen, with several mental health conditions is involved in this. We did the watchful waiting part but she has hit 18 (maturity level of about a 14 year old), and we have to get aggressive now.
Hi Steve, my daughter is the same age as yours and has the same history. “Watchful waiting” was the worse thing we did.
We found a couple of “gender critical” therapists early on, and even used one out of state via zoom. One was even a “trans”-ID male who told our daughter that there’s no such thing as changing sex.
It’s a waste of time. Even the GC therapists believe in “true trans” and are looking for the one in a million patient for life gravy train.
– Stan
If you could go back what would you do differently?
Pull my kids out of their schools and homeschool. Maybe move. We’re in the SF Bay Area.
We have an older daughter also who is a true believer and encourages “her brother.” We were heavily invested in their schooling and didn’t realize how deep was the rot.
Only ones I have found that are actually good therapists are Christian therapists.
When I(F17) was 13, I decided that I was nonbinary based on feelings of discomfort in my body and influence from friends online and in real life. I used they/them pronouns and cut my hair into a stupid ugly haircut. I wore ugly clothes and tried to flatten my chest. I continued to identify as nonbinary until I was 16 years old, and developed more confidence in myself and my femininity because I was dating a boy I really liked and I realized that I like being a girl, and that I am absolutely a girl no matter what other people try to tell me. Since then, I’ve cut ties with a lot of “trans” friends and am trying to help other people suffering from the same social contagion.
I have a theory about trans people: every single trans person has an underlying social problem. Either they are not confident due to body changes from puberty, autistic, weird and unaccepted by others, or some other thing. I’ve never heard of a trans person who doesn’t fit one of these problems, and I’m convinced that if those issues are resolved, the self-created feelings of “gender dysphoria” will eventually go away.