No questions permitted: Thoughts from a mother whose son transitioned

This comment was submitted by a reader today. Thank you.


Thank you for your blog, which makes me feel sane again. It’s so hard to escape from a world policed along very narrow, and in my view, very dangerous lines.

I am the mother of a young adult who decided two years ago, in the wake of a series of traumatic events, that he is female. He is being supported by two gender doctors who, he says, have ‘diagnosed him as transsexual’. This ‘diagnosis’ is merely an echo of his own interpretation of his own narrative. They say that he is transsexual because he says that he is transsexual. Yet, he hears this diagnosis as confirmation of his own belief that he must transition to survive.

His belief in the absolute necessity of transitioning is based, I believe, on the trans narratives that he has encountered on the internet.

By contrast, when his adolescent sister developed an eating disorder and then self-harmed,  she was supported to challenge her beliefs, support which allowed her – after a long two years – to recover. Only a belief that you are the sex that you were not born to is unchallengeable, lest you be charged with bigotry.

For my part, I have become increasingly convinced that gender dysphoria is a maladaptive coping strategy, prompted by very real distress, but not necessarily stress focused around gender. Yet our culture, which for the last century, has been obsessed with gender, cannot see the distress underlying these claims.

I think that the supposed parallel between gender transitioning and homosexuality is particularly unhelpful and misleading. Both narratives share a story of coming out, and of liberation from prejudice. But both are not necessarily the same.

Gay culture, despite – or because of — the suffering and persecution homosexuals have often faced,  revels in humour, which rests on lifting taboos and telling the truth. But trans culture is humour aversive, maybe because humour threatens to crack the fragile identities, uncovering a truth which cannot be spoken, a truth which threatens to launch the self into terrifying chaos. I think it is for this reason that trans culture cannot countenance questioning or debate.

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18 thoughts on “No questions permitted: Thoughts from a mother whose son transitioned

  1. I have been helping in the fight against the cult of scientology for the last 4-5 years, and it is uncanny how similar the mindsets of scientologists and transgerists are. It might sound extreme, but I do think that transgenderism, as it is forced upon society today, is a cult. Last night I stumbled upon the blog “Anywomans Humanity” and a great post which outlines how transgenderism fits the definition of a cult. https://anywoman2.wordpress.com/2015/06/09/what-defines-a-cult/comment-page-1/#comment-41

    The poster’s last paragraph illustrates one of the cult-defining qualities of transgenderism: “Gay culture, despite – or because of — the suffering and persecution homosexuals have often faced, revels in humour, which rests on lifting taboos and telling the truth. But trans culture is humour aversive, maybe because humour threatens to crack the fragile identities, uncovering a truth which cannot be spoken, a truth which threatens to launch the self into terrifying chaos. I think it is for this reason that trans culture cannot countenance questioning or debate.”

    In a cult, taboos abound and are used to keep the truth covered up, and keep the sheep blindly following along in the dark. Questioning is not allowed. Sound familiar?

    Liked by 7 people

    • I find the comparison with a cult very persuasive. One feature, of course, is the use of euphemisms: ‘top surgery’ for mastectomy, gender confirming surgery for orchidectomy etc.
      And then there are the support groups. In a meeting of Gendered Intelligence (a pun presumably on the dubious belief that brains are sexed), a support group supposedly offering debate on gender, I was asked ‘Where are you on the journey?’ – with the assumption that there is only ONE journey, and only one destination. There was clapping when a mother announced that her daughter (transson) was about to start hormones. I realised that I had wandered into a cult, and left early, disturbed.

      Liked by 8 people

      • Sounds familiar, maryw1792. At the meetings I go to for parents of transgendered kids, there is also clapping when someone mentions that their child either changed their name/sex designation, started hormones, or had a surgery. Some of the parents are on a letter writing frenzy to get the waiting times shortened for the SRS surgeries (it’s not enough that the whole package is free in Canada). I just go there to know what they’re up to, and to stick in my opinions and facts when I get the nerve. So far, I haven’t met anyone who thinks like us here on this blog and it’s a very lonely fight. However, thanks to 4thwavenow and all of the followers I am feeling more and more empowered. I even was able to find a woman who transgendered into a man 15 years ago who is very regretful now since she found out that her real problem was that she has Aspergers (and was sexually assaulted as a preteen – but no professional asked about that). I asked the organizer of the group if she could go to a meeting to show her side of the situation. The organizer met with her and she will probably go to the November meeting. I’m waiting to see the faces of those parents who are so gung ho about transitioning their kids! We need to stand up and not be afraid to confront these people!

        Liked by 4 people

  2. I so sympathise with all these stories. And I can also understand why parents of kids or young adults who believe they are trans might leap to support them and race to find medical answers. It is very hard to live with the belief that your child (of whatever age) is hurting themselves or may regret their actions. It’s tempting to search for reassurance that all will be well, that this makes sense, that it is the truth. To love and support your child whilst not agreeing with their world view, whilst of course what parents age in and age out have had to do, is still very hard.

    I try to remember that you can’t reason with a delusion (I read that on a website about schizophrenia). I love to win an argument, but although I believe that I can provide a watertight theoretical debunking of trans theories, I know that I cannot convince my child. Instead, I tell myself that there is something underneath that makes my child need these beliefs and that all I can do is to state that I do not agree but then provide support and a safe place, and if possible safety from inappropriate medical interventions until time, experience, other interests hopefully dilute the intensity of the belief that transitioning will cure all ills!

    It is very hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    • But, and I remember this from the strenuous efforts made by teenage “Born Again” Christians, your failure to believe what they believe makes you a moral vacuum, incapable of truly feeling love or being loved in return.
      Your lack of belief, your sin, is causing good people to suffer. Jesus suffered and DIED for unbelieving sinners like you, and even now your questions, your doubts are bringing pain to the faithful, as you, personally, just you and your…thinking, hold back the Way and the Truth and progress towards God’s super mega happy Kingdom on earth.

      Being “Trans-Sceptical” makes you a monster. If you don’t share their beliefs then you’re a walking hate crime. Trans teens suffer and DIE because of unbelieving sinners like you. Your questions, your doubts, cause even greater suffering to good, faithful people like Chelsea Manning, holding back the way to a happier, more progressive future society. You Bigot.

      Which makes things harder yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am really at a loss as to how to best respond to RRD. My first reaction is to the irony implicit in the handle, chosen by the author of a rather hate filled and disjointed post; “The Robot, the Robots’ Daughter”. What stands out most to me in this post is the number of hackneyed clichés: “the Way and the Truth and progress towards God’s super mega happy Kingdom on earth”. This certainly sounds like the prattle of a drug addled teen-ager, brainwashed by the trans-cult.

    “Trans teens suffer and DIE because of unbelieving sinners like you”….is an outright falsehood and an over used meme, foisted onto a basically ignorant and uninformed public. It has been often noted that Knowledge is Power. A relevant corollary might be that lack of knowledge is weakness and offers a ripe target for manipulation.

    This lack of knowledge and true understanding of the trans-phenomenon is, in my opinion, the main cause of the orchestrated success of the trans-narrative.

    Like

      • No you didn’t read it wrong. Worried didn’t realize that it has invisible quotation marks in it. It happens. Not everybody reads stuff like that all the time. An understandable mistake. Robot Daughter is putting on the voice of the transgenderism mentality. I guess she did it too well! She’s not talking about real religion she’s saying that trans is like fanatical right wing Christians. And I think she’s absolutely right.

        Liked by 1 person

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