You say your son is FTM? I sincerely hope for his sake you will learn to understand him for who he is. I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you continue to see him as a gender he is not, you will ruin the relationship between you and him. Not because of doctors, not because of our culture, not because of anything else but the fact that he is a man, and one day he won’t be able to pretend to be your daughter anymore. 41% of trans people commit suicide because they can’t live out their lives in this kind of society. Do you really want to be apart of oppression that drives them to such an extreme option?
This comment, submitted to my blog by “Ashley,” has it all: Count ’em–ten male pronouns/nouns, the faux-concern about the parent-child relationship, the shaming of the clueless mother, the dire warning of future consequences–culminating, of course, in the threat of suicide.
Let me break it down for you, “Ashley,” and all the other Internet parenting experts who bludgeon us with your boring genderist propaganda.
You, along with the rest of the tiresome transition-pushing scolds, presume to know all about the home and family life of a complete stranger, based on my blog’s tag line: “Lefty, gender-critical mom of a teen would-be FTM.” You know fuck all about my daughter and where she and the rest of the family are in this journey. Of course, this is what all the hateful commenters do (and Ashley is less hateful than most–none of whom I will publish, ever). They jump to the conclusion, just like the gender doctors, psychologists, “journalists,” and the rest of the gender-enablers, that my daughter is “a man.” This crap would be laughable if it weren’t so incredibly destructive and crazy-making for so many parents.
Right: MY daughter, who I pretended to give birth to, raised, and nurtured, whom I have lived with all these years, is a man. Because “Ashley” believes she is. Because the Ashleys of the world say so.
Oh, and the Ashleys of the world pretend to be so concerned about my child and my relationship with her! They think we parents who contribute to this blog (which obviously “Ashley” has not bothered to read) are dumb as rocks, a pack of dull-witted bigots, thwarting our daughters’ true selves just for the hell of it, oblivious to the wise counsel of the Trans Borg that we risk “ruining our relationships” unless we “learn to understand” that they are really men. Nothing to do with the “doctors,” the “culture,” or the Internet, or the lack of role models for gender nonconforming girls who might actually deserve some other option besides crushing or slicing off their breasts and poisoning themselves with hormones. No, these girls are MEN, by god!
And the suicide card, played so predictably. The ultimate threat that has frightened so many otherwise caring and thoughtful parents into rushing their kids to the “gender therapist” to start hormones–as if there is a shred of evidence that testosterone shots have been proven to prevent suicide.
No, “Ashley,” 41% of trans people do not commit suicide. Do “gender nonconforming” people have a higher rate of suicidal ideation (which is where the 41% figure came from)? You bet. Why is that? Is it because their parents won’t use “preferred pronouns?” Is it because they weren’t allowed to inject hormones? Is it because mean mom or dad still stupidly believes their girl child is their daughter? Or could it be because these girls live in a place and time where not fitting into a gender stereotype is a stressful and demeaning experience? Is it because of the pressure brought to bear on them to “identify” as something other than a teen girl–as “genderqueer,” “bigender,” “gender fluid,” “agender,” “panssexual” or even just “cis,” which is boring as hell and not as exciting as some “trans” kid with his own TV show. Is it because their parents are homophobic? Is it because some of these girls have underlying mental issues–depression, anxiety, autism? Which is it, “Ashley?” You’re the expert, aren’t you? You didn’t just pull that 41% out of your ass, did you, having not even read the flawed survey study that generated the 41% number?
Tell you what, “Ashley.” Why don’t you mind your own cyber-business and leave me and the other parents on this blog to the hard work of raising our kids with love and intelligence? There seem to be hundreds of you with too much time on your hands, feigning concern about the children of strangers. And with the hours you free up, maybe spend a little time educating yourself about child and adolescent development, historical medical fads, and the dubious history of “transgenderism.” Oh, and while you’re at it, I invite you to read more of my blog, and particularly the comments written by the parents you and your ilk love to demean. You just might learn something new from people who dare to think for themselves.