Gender Critical Dad is fed up with the bucketloads of doublespeak

Gender Critical Dad is a brand new blog by the father of a teenage girl who—after coming out as a lesbian at age 14–has now decided she is in fact a trans man. They live in the United Kingdom.

As far as we know, this is the first skeptical blog created by the father of a self-identified trans teen.  Click on over and check out his blog. He’s already got several interesting posts up, from the perspective of a “stroppy bugger” (his term).

Gender Critical Dad is available to respond to questions in the comments section of this post.


What inspired you to create your own blog, as a “gender-critical” dad? Did you find other gender-critical blogs or resources that helped motivate you to start your own?

I think it was several things: A displacement activity, to find some use for the anger and restlessness that ran round and round my mind since I realised the danger that my daughter was in; a catharsis, a chance to tell my story, make some sort of sense of it, get a reality check. Was I a horrible person for not “supporting them on their brave journey”? The blog is a place where I can get things out without burdening friends and my partner.

Hopefully my story will encourage others—maybe especially fathers–who are going through the same thing and let them know that the things they perceive and how they feel, are valid and real.

The current predominant narrative of trans kids is very much one of brave kids finding their true selves, supported by loving friends and a family who courageously struggle to come to terms with this brave new world.

I, as well as other parents are telling a more real narrative that features anxious, confused kids, scared of the adult sexuality portrayed in an ever more pornified world and feeling unbearably cramped by the tightening gender roles, desperately looking for an alternative. That scary world includes people encouraging them to identify as trans, sometimes mistaken but well meaning, sometimes for sinister motives. It includes organisations which have infiltrated academia, the NHS [UK National Health Service], and education. It includes a cult with all the manipulative features we would recognise from Scientology or the Moonies.

GC Dad

I’ve used the name “Gender Critical Dad” because it was the most accurate name I could think of. I hope it is taken as a mark of respect to the subReddits with that name and the important work done by radical feminists that I depended on to make sense of my feelings about the transgender dogma.

I have no wish to claim any ownership of the term gender critical. I am using it because it is catchy and memorable, and it will hopefully help me get my story out to other people being hit by transgender. If more people think about wider gender critical ideas and take a more respectful look at radical feminism, that’s fantastic.

4thWaveNow has been an enormous influence, showing me that other people have stories similar to mine, and also demonstrating how telling those stories can give comfort, strength and support to other people. I am also inspired by https://youthtranscriticalprofessionals.org/ and https://rebeccarc.com/ for providing a very sane, calm and well-reasoned critique of transgender.

Have your views about your daughter’s transition evolved since she first announced she was a trans man?

Yes, before I hit Peak Trans, my image of a transgendered person was Hayley Cropper from Coronation Street, a quite dignified person, who had taken a well thought out decision and just wanted to carry on with life as a woman.

The reality I discovered was very different, a world of aggressive men using trans as an excuse to invade women’s spaces and get a kick out of intimidating them. An ideology that, while claiming to be liberating people from assigned gender, actually re-enforces gender roles and then tells vulnerable young people that the only way out is to mutilate themselves, start a life time of drug dependence and nurture an obsession with appearance and other people’s perceptions, claiming it as victimhood.

We were glad to see your new site, since so few fathers seem to be weighing in publicly about the transgender youth trend. Most of the contributors to 4thWaveNow are mothers. Why do you think that is? Is there a reason why dads would hesitate to make their views known?

I think most men, especially those on the left side of the political spectrum, are scared of being seen as intolerant and bigoted. It’s a very “Emperor’s New Clothes” situation. I think most men have no problem with gay men or lesbians, but really don’t believe in the reality of a gender identity separate from biological sex and would find the logic of genderist dogma farcical. The idea of someone, straight faced, explaining that trans women can have a female penis, but are just as much women as biological women would be met with the derision it deserves by the majority of men.

These men might be sympathetic to Hayley Cropper, but also have an understanding of what autogynephilia is, even if they have never heard the word. If they were exposed to the wild west of queer theory and gender identity politics they would find it both ridiculous and sinister.

The difference between what they feel and what they see everyone else express, is a massive source of cognitive dissonance and very difficult to make sense of.

A lot of dads are understandably, desperate to keep some sort of relationship going with their kids and partners, and they may be unaware that other people are experiencing the same feelings so go along with the trans narrative. Many may not be able to cope with the difficult feelings caused by the cognitive dissonance and end up estranged from their children and partners.

4thWaveNow has a couple of posts focusing on Jay Stewart and the organization Gendered Intelligence in the UK. What has been your experience with Gendered Intelligence?

I initially assumed they were some sort of gay and lesbian or feminist support group. What I found from looking up their web site and from https://youthtranscriticalprofessionals.org/ was they are both a trans cult, a trans pressure group and an increasingly lucrative business.

I went to some meetings that were open to parents. I found a small group of young people, all looking younger than their age, some anxious parents and  two strapping blokes who looked like parody transvestites from “Little Britain.” It was a deeply creepy experience and I realised just how perfect a set-up it was for grooming vulnerable young people and setting up dependencies that could be exploited the day they turned 18.

To be honest I only read anything from them to get an idea of what they are doing that directly affects my daughter, I really do not need to wind myself up. The more I see of them, the more they remind me of Scientology, but they are stealing young people’s healthy bodies, not just gullible rich people’s money.

You have written that your daughter originally came out to you as a lesbian, but now says she is a trans man. Obviously you are skeptical of this switch. How does your daughter explain it to you? Why do you doubt it? Does she know about your doubts?

Communication on the topic is difficult at best. It always ends up in rows [UK English for “arguments”] which I do not handle well, so I tend to avoid the subject, so a lot of what I think about this may be supposition.

She says that she has never felt happy as a girl and that once she came out to friends and teachers, she has never been happier.  She tells us that everyone else accepts her new gender and she passes effortlessly. We know from personal experience that this is untrue. It also sounds just like so many stories on the Gendered Intelligence website or any other pro-trans site.

I’ve known a lot of lesbians from a previous job I had, and they were all wonderful, open and friendly people. My daughter seemed to be developing into a very stylish lesbian before the trans thing started. But now she’s withdrawn, ashamed of her body and obsessed with her appearance.

She knows exactly how I feel, but as I said, I don’t handle rows well.

How are you handling the transition? Do you use “preferred pronouns,” and have you purchased a binder?

I’m determined to not be an enabler, so I will not use preferred pronouns, but otherwise I try to keep my opinions to myself, not always successfully. If I try to discuss it, we will end up rowing and I will push her further into the cult.

Somehow she got hold of a binder. I pretend not to notice when she wears it.

Did your daughter show any signs of being gender dysphoric as a young girl?

This question is impossible to answer without either accepting or confronting a lot of the assumptions behind the trans ideology. I’m a stroppy bugger so here we go.

If you look up the symptoms of gender dysphoria on the NHS (http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria/Pages/Symptoms.aspx), you get a list that includes:

  • disliking or refusing to wear clothes that are typically worn by their sex and wanting to wear clothes typically worn by the opposite sex
  • disliking or refusing to take part in activities and games that are typically associated with their sex, and wanting to take part in activities and games typically associated with the opposite sex
  • preferring to play with children of the opposite biological sex

…all of which is just sexist bollocks. Most people would display these “symptoms” at some time in their lives.

Next in the list of GD symptoms we have:

  • feeling extreme distress at the physical changes of puberty

I grew up a boy, I was late to puberty and not at all happy about that. I can understand why puberty is a bigger challenge for girls, who might well have learned about puberty blockers from the internet. So this too must catch a lot of people.

  • disliking or refusing to pass urine as other members of their biological sex usually do – for example, a boy may want to sit down to pass urine and a girl may want to stand up.

My brother went through a stage of sitting to pee; he had somehow got the idea that that was why women lived longer.

  • insisting or hoping their genitals will change – for example, a boy may say he wants to be rid of his penis, and a girl may want to grow a penis.

As a late developer, I was convinced I was under-endowed. How would I have reacted if offered the chance of being a special snowflake who would grow into a beautiful lady?

So we are left with:

  • insisting they’re of the opposite sex

Girls get a shit deal, since they have to live up to ridiculous beauty standards. Boys watch enormous amounts of porn and that influences the pressures they put on young women. Aspects of puberty that my generation accepted or even celebrated, like pubic and underarm hair, are now deemed repulsive. Young women are expected to be a ridiculous hybrid of constantly available sex toy, pure maiden and pre-pubescent little girl. As I have discovered, post-trans, lesbianism as a distinct, respected culture and role model has disappeared–to now be a category on You-Porn or a pretense of autogynephilia.

Is it any wonder that a lot of young women these days see no alternative to trans?

Kids are weird. That’s just what they do, so just let them be weird kids for a while. Don’t call it either a mental illness or some mismatch between their bodies and a mythical gender fairy that can be cured by surgery, a lifetime of hormones and bucket-loads of doublespeak.

So when you get right down to it, asking whether my daughter ever showed signs of gender dysphoria is a really stupid question. The only answer is “probably no more than you”.

If my daughter lives life for a while as a woman, lesbian or straight, actually has relationships and then comes back to me as an adult and says that she would be happier as a man, then I would think very hard about it and  try to understand.

Do you know other parents “in real life” (vs. online) who share your gender-critical views?

No, although I have ‘come out’ to some close old friends and colleagues. Once I’ve explained the reality of what trans is, they seem to accept my version.

How does your partner (your daughter’s mum) feel about all of this? Do your views differ?

My partner agrees with me and shares my views on gender identity, but is much better at navigating the thin line between enabling the delusion and losing communication, so can still to some degree communicate with our daughter. Still, my partner often ends up being told by our daughter how terrible we are. She really has been a rock; at times I have been close to crumbling and she has always been there for me.

Are you observing other teen girls in the UK who are also transitioning to male?

I see some around town. It’s heart-breaking, these young women, who could be beautiful and confident, who could be enjoying the freedom of youth and all the chances to explore themselves and the world. But now heads down, huddled, painfully self-conscious, anxious, making pathetic attempts to pass, but I’m sure, that at some level they know that people are only pretending to believe it.

How does your daughter’s school handle her transition?

They encouraged and colluded with it without telling us. They gave her a new name badge and use preferred pronouns. One teacher seemed quite proud of how she had supported our ‘special lovely’ daughter. Yes I’m furious about that, but can’t bring it up without outing and alienating her. Someone might be getting a present of Sheila Jeffreys’ Gender Hurts book at the end of term.

How can we support what you’re doing?

Keep doing what you are doing. Let people know that there is another story and that the gender identity dogma is a lie.

I’d love to see us get organised and start acting collectively, but I know that will be very hard, with everyone needing to protect their and their kids’ privacy.

We need to reach out and let people know that there is dissent and that the dissenters are not horrible people. We need to separate rejection of the trans ideology from homophobia and let people know that there is no scientific validity to gender identity and that there are other ways of tackling gender dysphoria.

I’m sure there is a story here that a good investigative journalist could really run with. It reaches from grubby little men in girls changing rooms, through to some very powerful people, all the time trapping and exploiting young people. I haven’t a clue how to get that story out.

 

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31 thoughts on “Gender Critical Dad is fed up with the bucketloads of doublespeak

  1. Hello gender critical dad. I am also from the UK, have been to the horrible Gendered Intelligence twice – to observe – and exactly share your sense that this is a huge story for an investigative journalist. I am the more confrontational parent with our ‘trans woman’ supported by a calmer partner. I have talked to quite a lot of adults who – acquainted with the reality – are appalled by the mad double speak of NHS. As is our GP who has no room for manoeuvre. I wrote a piece on Transgendertrend on Gendered Intelligence called ‘When is a support group not a support group’. Would like to work together on this

    Liked by 11 people

  2. My piece on Gendered Intelligence by the way is at https://youthtranscriticalprofessionals.org/
    ‘When is a support group not a support group’. My discovery from the GI online forum is that an NHS gender specialist (working privately) will provide authorisation for mastectomies for 17 year olds who are not his patients for a fee of £200. Investigative journalist required. We need a gender sceptical London parent group. Interested?

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Hello gender critical dad, it was great to hear about, and read, your blog. We are also parents in the UK, experiencing all the same stuff as you. Yep. – everything you have said pretty much sums up our feelings too. Loved your idea for the end of term present – inspired!

    Maybe I am lucky, but not a single one of my friends and family have bought into the trans narrative. Having known my daughter for so long, they find our situation baffling and bizarre. They also seem at a loss as to what to advise – nobody wants to be hurtful to us or our daughter, or, of course, be politically incorrect- they are kind, lovely people who don’t know what to make of all this!

    Liked by 6 people

  4. Thank you, Gender Critical Dad, for adding your strong, honest voice to those of us speaking out against the trans cult. I am always grateful when a man chimes in with his perspective, as I do think there is a more cut and dried view of biological sex among most men (i.e. I have seen gay men on tumblr speak out stridently against the “Cotton Ceiling” in support of lesbians and on the firm basis of biological sex being a reality.) It is a powerful perspective that this discourse needs more of.

    When you said “As I have discovered, post-trans, lesbianism as a distinct, respected culture and role model has disappeared–to now be a category on You-Porn or a pretense of autogynephilia.” I have to say there are still lesbians, of all ages, doing their best to nurture community and create supportive lesbian spaces in the midst of this. It is very difficult because trans women are insisting they have a right to our spaces, our bodies, our very orientation, but there are supportive groups and networks, still. Detransitioned women, as well, are amazingly supportive, and I wish I could introduce your daughter to hot-flanks, Maria Catt, redressalert, guideonragingstars, weary4u – these are all individual’s or blogs, and the list seems to grow weekly.

    I grew up without a firm understanding of what it meant to be a lesbian, always thought there was something wrong with me, and for a time thought transition was the answer. If there is any way to share with your daughter the stories and struggles of other women like her who have felt the same and pulled themselves through it – sometimes still pulling themselves through it – it could perhaps open her mind to another way, one that is full of confidence and freedom of expression. I wish your family the very best, and hope your love and dedication to your daughter’s truth returns her to herself one day.

    Oh, Peachyogurt’s YouTube channel, too! Can’t forget that.

    Liked by 10 people

  5. Hello Gender Critical Dad, I am so happy to see your post on here. I attempted to comment on your blog but Blogger was being weird and not allowing me to post!
    Thank you so much for telling your story. It sounds like you are entirely supportive of your daughter, who is very likely a lesbian, even though she doesn’t realize you are supportive. Many lesbians don’t fully understand their feelings or feel confident taking on a lesbian identity until their 20s, 30s, or 40s. It is normal for a teenager to go back and forth trying to figure out what is right and true for her.
    It is very common for lesbians to feel deeply uncomfortable with the gender role assigned to females and to believe they must really be men. The reason for the discomfort is probably related to the fact that the female gender role is based on heterosexuality and being appealing to men, which of course feels uncomfortable for lesbians. Many lesbians enjoy clothing and activities stereotypically associated with boys and men, but most of us still grow into happy lesbians as adults and value our female bodies.
    It will definitely be difficult to talk to your daughter about this while she is firmly attached to trans ideology. I hope that if you keep telling her that you love and support her but don’t believe she is really a man, she can eventually see that you are indeed on her side.
    You are not alone, and there are many others who can see what you are seeing and can support you.

    Liked by 9 people

  6. Pingback: Doing Something About It | This Soft Space

  7. Thank you so much, Gender Critical Dad, for your non-conforming and critical view of the “transgender cult”. Your love and concern for your daughter shines through everything you say. I am so sorry that you have had such a lot to suffer, with no end in sight yet. I hope that she finds a way to reconnect her body and her mind sometime, soon.
    I am the ex-wife of a life-long transgender sufferer (Paul now Elizabeth) who hid this critical fact from me for 14 years and then left us, saying dramatically just one sentence: “It’s true. I’m a transsexual”. Nothing more. He would not discuss it, and still refuses. He is so pleased to have deceived me and writes e-mails behind my back to our children! Very nasty. He is gone forever into a childish, narcissistic, manipulative – pathological – mindset.
    Ten years later, after endless reading on the internet, I am convinced that sooner or later the lack of rigour of the gender identity doctrine will eventually be recognized by mainstream psychiatry and a better treatment will be found for this particular form of insanity. I do hope that Dr Rebecca Reilly Cooper will write an academic paper to explain why this doctrine is logically incoherent, and to bolster her very impressive video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPVNxYkawao and her blog: https://rebeccarc.com/)
    In the last two years more gender critical parents/spouses/professionals have started blogs and this profusion of voices does, bit by bit, seep through to the politicians, the writers, the academics and lastly, I hope, the psychiatrists. Fingers crossed!

    Liked by 7 people

  8. It’s so refreshing to see a male voice in the gender-critical and trans-critical discussion. It’s also nice to have another voice in this part of the blogosphere, to increase the numbers publicly questioning this tidal wave which arose within the last five years or so. I get the feeling a lot more parents than the media would want us to believe are highly skeptical and questioning, instead of immediately accepting a child or teenager’s claim to be trans and running out to get hormones, binders, packers, and puberty-blockers. I hope your daughter discovers her authentic identity before any real damage is done.

    Liked by 8 people

  9. Yes, good for this dad for being sensible.
    I did notice that he credits radical feminists for helping to educate him in trans politics, but then later says men aren’t likely to fall for trans nonsense, because it’s “farcical. ” Yeah. Women have been saying that for a while, and usually we get threats and accusations of bigotry. No one’s giving us credit for seeing through this bullshit. There’s no applause or pats on the back for our insightful observations. Ok, peace. Male allies are great, it’s just a pet peeve of mine when women’s observations are marginalized, but when a man comes a long and repeats these same observations, he gets kudos from everyone — because what men think matter more. Ok. Enough said. Seriously, good on daddy for being sensible and this wonderful site for all it’s intelligent observations. Keep up the good work!

    Liked by 6 people

    • My experience with talking with liberal men on this subject IRL is that the majority of them will volunteer their opinion that they think transgender people are crazy, that “female penis” is absurd and that they are highly skeptical of the medical ethics of transgenderism (such great trans great allies, they are) but they are still opposed to female sex segregated spaces, especially women organizing politically without males. “It’s sexist!”, they tell me.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I know what your mean and about men getting kudos. It does worry me that I might be doing what you say. Keep me honest, shout at me if needed and if you think my way of expressing the ideas I’ve nicked, or my story might help someone, please pass it on.

      Liked by 3 people

  10. Every once in a great while I read something like: “Only my parents wanted me to avoid hormones. Everyone else was pushing me to transition. At the time I didn’t appreciate it, but I’m grateful now.”
    I hope one day that your daughter says something similar.

    I’m sorry that you are going through this with your daughter, but I’m glad that you are speaking out. I’ve been to your blog and admire your writing. Nice to have you on board.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Your daughter is lucky, Gender Critical Dad. You write clearly and sensibly. People who mindlessly support the T, because it comes after the LGB, need to hear your compassionate and reasonable voice.

    Like

  12. I’m glad there are sane parents who are not pushing their kids to transition. Unfortunately, the trans trend is everywhere and it’s very hard to be an out lesbian with it. I’m actually really glad I’m approaching 30 and lived in a state where the trans trend wasn’t popular when I was a teenager.

    If you know any lesbians who aren’t on board with the trans thing, maybe it would be a good thing for your daughter to meet them. They don’t even have to talk about the trans thing but having role models is always good. There are more lesbians and gays out there nowadays but many of them are mindlessly supporting this. It is also good to show that you can not conform to sexist stereotypes and still be a woman. I’m a lesbian and I don’t wear high heels or makeup and I have body hair. It doesn’t make me a man. I’m also trying to get a PhD in chemistry, a traditionally male-dominated field, along with many other women I know. None of us are dudes.

    I think another problem is that many fictional lesbians on TV are so unrealistic and are clearly there at least in part as soft-core porn to appeal to the straight male audience (looking at you L Word). Many of them are more feminine than most straight women I know and a lot of them are so obsessed with having babies that they will sleep with a dude (making them not really lesbians) to get one. It really creeps me out. Also many older movies and books would feature a lesbian couple where the most obvious lesbian is a huge pervert who dies and then the other member of the couple would go off and be heterosexual. So, that sort of thing combined with the trans line that “you’re really a man inside” has a very negative influence on lesbians. That said, there are still lots of us out there, though many of us do secret meetings to avoid creepy men claiming to be us.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. It was a great read and I especially liked “That scary world includes people encouraging them to identify as trans, sometimes mistaken but well meaning, sometimes for sinister motives. It includes organisations which have infiltrated academia, the NHS [UK National Health Service], and education. It includes a cult with all the manipulative features we would recognise from Scientology or the Moonies.” because having lived through the reality of our school systems, the medical industries and how they profit from our kids pain…I don’t like to come out sounding as I am a conspiracy theorist BUT follow the money..right to the school, doctors (of all kinds} hospitals ALL WITH AN AGENDA ATTACHED TO A DOLLAR BILL and straight to the legislature.

    I then loved – “How does your daughter’s school handle her transition?

    They encouraged and colluded with it without telling us. They gave her a new name badge and use preferred pronouns. One teacher seemed quite proud of how she had supported our ‘special lovely’ daughter. Yes I’m furious about that, but can’t bring it up without outing and alienating her. Someone might be getting a present of Sheila Jeffreys’ Gender Hurts book at the end of term”

    I DON’T HOW MANY TIMES I SAID TO THE PEOPLE IN THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEMS WHY DON’T FOCUS ON YOUR JOB…TEACHING MATH, SCIENCE, HISTORY ETC. KEEP YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT LIFE {ESPECIALLY MY KIDS LIFE} TO YOUR DAMN SELF AND TEACH BC THAT IS WHAT YOU GET PAID TO DO.

    In a country whose educational system is FAILING and has been for years…you would think developing EXACTLY WHAT YOUR JOB IS AND HOW TO DO IT EFFECTIVELY would be their main focus – SADLY IT IS NOT.

    Thank you for your article…I loved it. I can relate.

    Like

  14. I think the extreme distress about the changes of puberty might be a key factor explaining why the percentage of trans-identifying persons has changed drastically from vastly more middle-aged men, to a much higher percentage of young females.

    I remember in middle school a lot of girls were very distressed by changes in their bodies – some by being among the first, some by being late bloomers, some by being too big or too small. Girls’ bodies change more drastically than boys’ – change in waist-to-hip ratio, grow breasts where we’d been flat, grow hair in new spots. These changes happen fast and most are not invisible.

    I think transactivists with access to tween girls can easily use this discomfort to steer girls in the activists’ preferred direction.

    I wonder if it would help as a ploy to buy time, in the case of a tween/teen girl flirting with transition, to point out that taking cross-sex hormones before one finishes growing stunts growth, leading to a shorter adult height. If someone wants to grow up to be a man, would being a 5’1″ man really be that satisfying?

    Liked by 1 person

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