New support forum for parents of gender-dysphoric kids & young adults

Note to all: We at 4thWaveNow are very happy to see the launch of this new forum for parents. But please also keep participating in the comments sections of posts on 4thWaveNow. We want to continue to be an open forum for all (parents and others) who question the contemporary rush to transition kids, teens, and young adults. Also, your continued participation here is vital for the many near-drowning parents who shipwreck by accident upon 4thWaveNow–one of the few places on the open Internet that openly questions the wisdom of turning gender-questioning kids into lifelong medical patients.

by Niniane, Kellogmom, Gender Critical Dad, Marge Bouvier Simpson, Mary, & Cat

There is a new forum for parents of gender dysphoric kids, teens, and young adults. We’re here to provide peer support for parents who would like a thoughtful and cautious approach to intervention for their gender-dysphoric daughter or son.

Please note: Anyone may register for the forum, but you will be unable to contribute or see posts until approved by a moderator.

Most of the parents on the forum have teens or tweens who appear to be presenting with rapid-onset adolescent gender dysphoria, which some experts believe may be significantly influenced by such social factors as peer pressure, social media, and the Internet. Social contagion is a real thing for young people. Parents with rapid-onset teens desperately need support for a cautious approach, since the prevailing “affirmative” treatment model has been influenced more by ideology than evidence. Indeed, many parents joining the forum have had difficulty finding professionals who would support them in following a more careful route when addressing their child’s dysphoria.People help join solve bridge puzzle

In general, the parents who find their way to this forum value tolerance — tolerance of diverse viewpoints, political affiliations, and sexual orientations. We are not interested in pushing forward any ideology. We simply care about our children and want to support each other in discovering what is best for them.

If you have a child who has desisted from a trans identification, your presence is especially welcome on the forum, and we hope you will join us. You can help other parents learn how to help their child resolve his or her distress without resorting to life-long medical intervention.

We hope all parents who need support will join the forum. There is strength in numbers. If parents find each other, we can offer each other support and know we are not alone. We can have a louder voice when speaking to schools, professionals, and policy makers. Please come find us. We look forward to seeing you there.

A note of caution: Please understand that the moderators have no way of verifying anyone’s identity. Therefore, we cannot guarantee that everyone on the board will be there in good faith. It is probably wise to operate under the assumption that the forum is being watched by those who would not wish us well. So, when you join, choose an anonymous user name, don’t reveal identifying details about yourself, and use appropriate caution when interacting with others on the forum.



59 thoughts on “New support forum for parents of gender-dysphoric kids & young adults

  1. Has anyone figured out a safe way to form a gender skeptical parent support group at a local level. A well-meaning friend mentioned a local support group for parents of trans kids. She did not realize that any group that publicly advertised would be gender affirmative. I told her I was not ready to drink the Koolaid.

    Liked by 7 people

    • I’d like to find some “not ready to drink the Koolaid” parents in DC or DMV area. I’m a lesbian with a wife and 3 kids and, in spite of those “credentials,” am still really alarmed by the sudden onset of a trans identity from our 12 year old daughter. Im so on edge all the time and afraid to come down on her too hard or not hard enough. I’m terrified of all the information available out there. . .at her disposal…. and disinformation too. Would love to hear from others who might be interested in starting a group. It should go without say that I (along with the rest of you) approach this situation in good faith and only want my daughter to be happy and herself.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I tried to get our local parents of transgender support group to offer a group for parents who did not believe in the gender affirmative model and they said that it wasn’t in the plans. So, municipal money only goes for affirmation. But you could try at your local group and see if they’re open to it. At least it will get them to thinking that there could be another way of seeing this.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. If I understand correctly, this group is for parents of kids who are jumping on the transgender band wagon and are skeptical that they are true my trans? If this is true I am interested. I am very worried about my 14 year old son and the influence of social media as well as traumatic life experiences in his confusion.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Please come and join us! There are so many parents who I suspect are ashamed, blindsided, hurt, questioning where I went wrong but despite the different emotions the common overwhelming feeling we have is love for our children and this group is the epitome of that love. We are fighting for the lives of our children and I am finding strength in numbers

    Liked by 7 people

  5. Pingback: New support forum for parents of gender-dysphoric kids & young adults – 'Gender' hides the problem

  6. Some people have had problems getting on the board. I’ve put my board admin hat on and am looking at how to make the messages that come up from the board a bit clearer.

    In order to avoid getting spammed or attacked by trans activists we have a policy about new registrations. All new registrations have to be approved by a moderator before you can see the contents of the board.

    The moderators are volunteers, parents like yourself and unfortunately have all been busy with family matters over the past couple of days.

    Unfortunately the messages the board software uses are less than completely clear and you are not alone

    The moderators have now caught up with the backlog.

    If you have problems, please send a legible screen shot to and we will try to sort things out as soon as possible.

    We’re new to this and I hope this hasn’t put you off. It’s important to us that parents can talk about the issues in a safe place.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Mermaids is not a group of professionals. It is a group of other parents who have sought support from each other. The parents who are involved with Mermaids have been informed by gender identity ideology — a belief system that is not backed up by science at this time. Mermaids encourages parents to believe that gender variance likely means a child is trans, and they are opposed to considering complex causes for a child’s gender confusion or taking into account other factors.

    Most importantly, Mermaids is very supportive of transition. Social transition seems to increase persistence and often leads to medical intervention. Medical intervention harms the body. The parents on this new board are loving and accepting of their children, but they want to avoid the drastic and damaging effects that come with hormones and surgery. For this, we are decried as haters.

    This board is needed precisely because of groups like Mermaids — because parents with a kid who suddenly identifies as trans have had nowhere else to turn before now where they wouldn’t be pressured to transition their child. Parents need evidence-based information and support in following their own instincts about what is right for their child. Not indoctrination into a harmful ideology.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Will this forum be open to those of us who have acquiesced to our teens social transition but draw a firm line at any irreversible changes (hormones, surgery, blockers etc.)? Just curious. I am not proselytizing for the position that I have arrived at with my child, but I am hoping to find those who are agnostic on whether transgender is a biological or psychological phenomenon and would like to make space for caution in light of that ambivalence.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We all do what we think we can, with what we have to work with and with the information we have. So yes, while I may have personally decided to deal with things in a different way I can empathise with how you are where you are. There are people who are in a similar situation and we are not there to harangue anyone or tell them they are monsters. The other parent-moderators, I feel certain, would say the same.

      In the past I’ve had a go at parents who have acquiesced in some way and now I deeply regret doing that. I wrote about it here

      So yes, you’d be welcome.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s much more support and commiseration. As a different set-up than this blog, participants can start their own topics and can offer tailored advice and be more personal (while still being careful because of the still-public nature).

        Liked by 1 person

  9. This is my story. My son is the youngest of 4 boys ages 21, 18, 16 and 14. We have been hit with all kinds of loss. 3 years ago I asked his father to leave mainly due to his anger issues. 2 years ago his oldest brother left for the military. A year ago his beloved grandmother passed unexpectedly. And this summer we had to put his awesome cat down. He has been spending loads of time alone in his room on the laptop since we got it last Christmas. I understand his favorite online friend is a girl who wants to be a boy. He has never shown any signs of gender dysphoria before like gravitating towards girls clothes or toys or activities. While he was never interested in sports he still behaved like a boy. He has never talked like a girl or walked like a girl. I just wonder if this has something to do with puberty, the pain and disappointments, his loathing of his father and then to top it all off the influence of this online friend. I’m afraid he is struggling with depression and I don’t have any idea where to begin to get help. Who can I trust? So much info I find is about transitioning without question. I have seen stories of suicide in both the non transitioning and the transitioning side. I am scared to death! So this is my story. What’s yours?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Good question. It is more private. No one can view or post on the forum without making an account. Anyone with internet access can see 4thwavenow. (Which of course is a good thing. I wish everyone would read this site.)

      In addition, the bulletin board format allows threads to be easily organized so that there can ongoing back and forth discussions that are accessed easily.

      Liked by 1 person

    • 4thwavenow is a blog site, with regular releases of relevant writing from 4thwavenow writers and guest contributors. The new forum is more of a chat zone where people can commiserate.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Note to all: We are very happy to see this new discussion forum. But please keep participating in the comments sections of posts on 4thWaveNow. We want to continue to be an open forum for all who question the contemporary rush to transition kids, teens, and young adults. Also, your continued participation here is vital for the many near-drowning parents who shipwreck by accident upon 4thWaveNow–one of the few places on the open Internet that openly questions the wisdom of turning gender-questioning kids into lifelong medical patients.

        Liked by 4 people

  10. I’m re-writing my post because I’m new to this and am not sure it posted. I’d like to find other parents in the DC or DMV area who are not yet “drinking the Koolaid” and would like support. I’m a lesbian with a wife and 3 kids. In spite of these “credentials,” I’m extremely alarmed by all that I’m reading and by the sudden onset of a trans identity from our 12 year old daughter after 3 weeks of sleep away camp. We have been blind sighted by this and are feeling extremely stressed out by all the information — and misinformation — at her fingertips. I’m at war with myself at all hours of the day and night, wondering whether I’m being to strict or too lenient about technology. Would welcome a conversation or a coffee with someone in similar circumstances.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hi, I live between Baltimore and D.C. and have an 18-year-old daughter who alarmed us with sudden onset gender dysphoria a couple years ago. She is still making her way through the scripted trans “checklist” — and now that she is legally an “adult”, the trans train has started to move a lot faster. It is heartbreaking.

      I post on where there is a U.S.-focused forum so people can start to organize regionally, and we would be happy to meet halfway for coffee with another parent going through a similar nightmare.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Would love to connect. How old was your daughter when this all started? We are so stressed out and are not always in agreement about how hard to come down. Thanks for the link too. Not sure how we connect offline.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hang in there, we know how difficult it is. Ours claimed to be agender at 14 but moved rapidly on to declaring herself a gay transboy a year later.

        Over on, I posted a new thread called What’s the best way to meet? It’s in the US Geographical Interest forum. If you register and post there, we should be able to figure out how to meet.


      • I live in the Richmond VA are. I would be willing to travel to Northern Virginia to meet for a support group, or just a couple of us.


    • I will call my daughter the name she has chosen. I consider it a nick name. However, I refuse to use the pronouns, and it has been a cause of much conflict between us. I tell her that pronouns mean biological sex to me, and therefore I am not misgendering her by using female pronouns. I am using pronouns the way 99 percent of the population uses them and the way the pronouns are still defined in the dictionary. I also have told her that my opinion is as valid as the opinion of the small percentage of people who think pronouns mean gender. They can have their opinion. I can have mine.

      In some ways, I don’t think it matters where I draw the line on her demands. Whatever line I draw, she will push against it and be angry with me. Early on, I tried using the pronouns a few times, and it made me feel like a fool. It also feeds her delusion that she can be a boy, and it helps pave the way for her to present herself as a boy when she is among our adult friends and relatives. I don’t make a fuss about what any other adult chooses to do, but I won’t do it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I know that I am in the minority here, but I use my child’s preferred pronouns because to me it is critical to distinguish between irreversible changes and concessions I can make short of those. In fairness my child attempted suicide prior to my making this concession, and I did not do so as a hostage, but simply as a Mom who needed to show my child that I loved that child enough to use the words that felt to that child like love and acceptance. I tried the no pronoun thing for awhile but that only served to highlight the rift (and is also awkward as my pronounless post shows). I am not recommending this per se, just saying to those who might be leaning my way that you are not alone. And just last night when I read my child’s narrative of transition composed for a 9th grade english assignment I wondered if I was doing the wrong thing — it was all about coming to hate her body at 10 when puberty hit and then going to the internet and learning about transgender folk and then getting a short haircut and stopping wearing makeup and figuring out that the seemingly lost self was a he. Ugh. There would be no more butch women if they all followed this path and that makes me crazy, BUT still for supporting my very mentally ill child using preferred pronouns is necessary to earn trust so I have decided to do so.


      • Hi, I wrote the comment before yours. I probably sound more sure of myself than I am. I don’t think there is any right or wrong on the pronoun question. We are each trying to make the best decision we can based on what we know about our kid. I worry all the time I may be wrong. The potential for self-harm is the thing that has my on edge all the time. So just wanted to let you know I empathize and hope you aren’t feeling judged.


    • I avoid all pronouns and also her new legal name. I never would have believed this, but now I can speak English with no pronouns whatsoever. It is ludicrous! Even my deputy at work has noticed.

      But I talked to my kid about it and explained that the only way to respect both her and myself is to avoid them. She’s not happy about it, but we remain close and can keep talking to each other.

      What do I call her? I call her the endearments I have always called her — sweetie, darlin, luv, etc. If I have to introduce her, I say, “This is my youngest child, now a college freshman” — and, if necessary, she states her new legal name.

      I also call her trans friends by the endearments I have always used for them — I have known them since she was in elementary school. Two of her closest friends had medical transition paid for by their parents while in high school. Insanity.


      • Wow, just wow, three close childhood friends, all transitioning. If that doesn’t point to social contagion, I don’t know what does. It used to be that a one might never meet a transgender person in their entire life, and these three girls from the same friend group are all trans (supposedly). I just can’t believe that all three are “true trans.” There’s no way.

        I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Wishing you and your daughter all my best. I hope she finds her way out of this madness.

        Liked by 4 people

    • It’s the movement we are building now to counter the postmodern nonsense of third-wave feminism: A movement that genuinely supports girls and women in attaining their true potential, vs. encouraging the damaging notion in our daughters that defying gender norms, or being gender-atypical, means they are “really” male. The 4th wave has much in common with the 2nd wave of feminism. We see third wave feminism as a regressive step backwards for girls and women.

      Liked by 2 people

  11. A note of support for all the wonderful parents on this board. I was in your shoes 2 years ago. My completely normal daughter at age 12, almost 13, said she was trans. She dived into anime which left her socially different and started getting picked on at school. This led to her turning to more online chat rooms, where unfortunately, she became convinced she was transgender. The transgender ideology can really be applied to anyone who feels out of sync with their peers and it is very seductive to those who feel anxious or depressed. I did not address the name or pronouns. Upon advice from LGTB support through our local church, I told her not to make any changes at this time because this is such a confusing time and we don’t know who we really are until age 25. I signed her up for counseling to treat the anxiety and depression and made sure the counselor was neutral with gender to help her explore her feelings. I signed her up for several activities she had interest in and spent a lot of time just giving her love and support. The depression she dove into after claiming she was trans lifted and she realized it did not make sense for her anymore. Every situation is different, but not addressing gender in our house helped take the teen defiance out of the equation. I don’t feel gender is important and the type of human being you are says much more about a person. I tried to convey that idea whenever comments were made. This journey lasted about a year and half. Bless all of you wonderful parents who are trying to help your children become healthy human beings.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. A place for parents to get support is just what is needed, I spend all my waking moments worrying about my daughter who is so totally adamant she is male, it cripples me. I have been put on anti depressants just to help me keep my head above water. It comes to a point where we have to remember it’s not all about the child, this has a far reaching affect on families and can be really damaging. I just don’t know how to cope with this awful situation, she is just totally convinced, won’t talk, won’t engage, won’t listen to anything we have to say it makes me feel like giving up and walking away…but of course I never will because I love my daughter more than anything. Help is needed.


    • It might help to understand that your daughter is being coached by her trans peers to reject you and anything you have to say about the subject. The way that this cult recruits and keeps kids in it, is to convince them to apply the “transphobia lens” to any questions or information, no matter how truthful, sincere, logical or factual. Your daughter literally can’t hear you right now, and the reason is, she’s no longer “in her right mind.” She’s been told, over and over, by the trans-brigade, that the ONLY reason you would bring up reservations or other information is because you’re a phobic bigot who wants to keep her from “realizing her true self.” Right now you are the enemy, because you’re raising questions or scruples, and reminding your daughter of her own history, which you were there for!~ The trans-activists are the only group I’ve ever seen that is so incredibly interested in severing children and teens from their families – they’re super-blatant about it, and nobody ever calls them out.


      • I am so with you and appreciate your comment. I wish there was a support group of live human beings in the DC area who I could talk to. This is a very lonely road because you’re trying to support your kids and you’re also trying to take a cautious and slow approach and talking to anyone and everyone isn’t the way to do this. I find it difficult to carry this just with my spouse and no one else, except the therapist we’re seeing to help us manage the stress and the inevitable conflicts that arise between us about how to handle the situation.

        Liked by 1 person

    • I so agree. This has been going on with my 16 year old son for about a year. It is all I think about. I can not enjoy my other 2 children or anything else in my otherwise pretty nice life. I am totally saddened and so down over a sense of no longer have the boy I have been raising.for these 16 years. No one will help me get him back….I basically feel trapped. He is also upset, distancing himself from us because we are not accepting that he is suddenly a female. But especially me because I am more obvious with my sadness than his dad. BTW this whole thing also really stresses a marriage.


      • FYI, I would be willing to travel up to DC to meet or have a support group if possible. I live Richmond, about 1 and a half hours south.


      • Hi> Thanks for your response. FYI, you should go on and fill out a form. They are a new group and are organizing local in-person support groups. I just filled out a form and a survey and am waiting to hear back from them about whether there’s a DC group yet. Perhaps there’s one getting underway in Richmond. In any event, it seems like a good place to start.


      • I went to the site shown but it appears to not be up and running. Still interested in a support group in Richmond or possibly DC area. Please let me know if someone is willing and able to meet up


      • I filled out the survey last night..quite extensively. I am awaiting a response. I would love to be able to get together with like minded parents in my area (Richmond, central Virginia).


  13. thank you for your feedback, I am very grateful at a time when I feel we are about to drown. Just one ,ore question, any response / ideas welcome…just how can a 13 year old be convinced she is male, not ‘wants to be a boy’, but that she IS male…all self diagnosed…I just cannot get my head round it?


    • Hi caring mom, I’m just guessing here, but I think worriedmom (above) is right when she said your daughter is parroting what she has been coached/told to say. There are a number of online places kids can go to get advice and even scripts for talking to parents, teachers and other adults.

      I don’t know your kid, but I think some kids find being able to control adults incredibly alluring. Claiming to be transgender gives kids such a sweeping control over adults which I have not seen possible before, or any other way. These kids “must” be taken at their word by adults. They get to tell adults what their name is, whether they are he, she, it, they or any of the newer made-up pronouns, they get to call the shots regarding what they wear, what their medical treatment will be, and of course their poor or bratty behavior must be excused because they are trans and it is so difficult to be trans. They also can demand to use bathrooms/locker rooms of the opposite sex, file lawsuits over sports, etc. I think control of adults is why some kids hold so tightly to their claim that they “are” the other sex.

      Then there’s the special treatment at school, at home and everywhere else. They will probably get a gushy newspaper article written about them and may even be featured on TV or get their own TV show! These kids are also seen as heroes on tumblr and other online teen hangouts. Being trans has all kinds of perks!

      As to how kids can actually believe they are the opposite sex? I have seen my own kid honestly shocked when I told her she was a female and would always be a girl or a woman, that there was no avoiding this and no way to make being a boy reality. I could tell she honestly believes she’s a boy and was honestly shocked that I didn’t. Kids are being very thoroughly conditioned to believe beyond a doubt that a person’s sex is whatever that person says or feels it is. Kids think a person’s choice in this matter is a fact, and choosing one’s sex is completely normal. They’ve also been told that believing otherwise is hateful and bigoted. I might as well be a Nazi or a member of the KKK in my daughter’s eyes because I recognize the fact that she has two X chromosomes and can never be a boy/man/male.

      Our kids are thoroughly indoctrinated. A few may be wise to the game they are playing, but I think most of these kids, thanks to thorough indoctrination, truly believe all the nonsense they are spouting.


  14. I live in the Richmond VA area. I am also skeptical of the Transgender trend. I have a 16 year old son with rapid onset gender dysphoria. I would like to meet up with other parents in similar situations in the Virginia area. Please comment if interested.


  15. Pingback: Why trans rights are NOT the new gay rights. | treading on capes

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