My Trans Youth Group Experience with Morgan Page

by GNC-centric

GNC-centric is a detransitioned dysphoric lesbian. She lived as a trans man for most of her teen years in Canada. For many of those years she attended book readings and lectures on gender and LGBT events, and studied queer ideology. She now uses social media to speak critically about the harms she witnessed and experienced as a member of the transgender community. 

She can be found on Twitter @gnc-centric


Foreword

Many readers may be familiar with Morgan Page as the creator of the Planned Parenthood Toronto workshop “Overcoming the Cotton Ceiling: Breaking Down Sexual Barriers for Queer Trans Women” in 2012. I never heard about this before meeting gender critical feminists after leaving the trans community, years later. I honestly don’t remember anything like that topic coming up while I was in the youth group, although it may have.

I am writing this years after my experience, so there isn’t a ton of detail. I am avoiding using any names, save for Morgan Page, the leader of the youth group I attended. I am using “she” pronouns for Morgan since that is what I used when I knew her; to do otherwise feels disingenuous. This specific group (Trans Youth Toronto) doesn’t exist anymore, although The 519 in Toronto now has other groups for trans youth. Morgan Page no longer works there.


I first met Morgan Page in 2012 at a conference for Gay-Straight Alliances from high schools in the greater Toronto area. Though I’ve since detransitioned, I identified as trans at that time, but I didn’t know any trans people in real life, only online. Morgan was a super nice, friendly person and invited me to the youth group she ran at The 519 in Toronto (LGBT Community Centre). Most of the time, the Trans Youth Group attendees were majority MTFs and “nonbinary” (NB) males. There was an upper age limit (somewhere between 21-25) but it was a pretty small group, usually fewer than 10 people; so when people aged out they just stuck around. I guess others learned that the age limit wasn’t being enforced because more and more older (30-40 year old) MTFs started to join.

I remember one day, there were three MTFs over 40 who were hitting on the teen FTMs, very explicitly. It was obviously making us uncomfortable, but almost no one ever said anything, only changed the topic or tried to engage them in a conversation away from us. The only time I remember them being asked to leave was when Morgan was away and the group was led by an FTM substitute.

519 toronto.jpg

The 519 LGBT Community Centre, Toronto

It was very common for the group to discuss the logistics of sex before and after SRS, kinky sex, and erotic fanfiction. I remember Morgan asking the three teens in the room, including me, if we were comfortable talking about this, but obviously we weren’t going to say no now that the conversation had already been started by these older people. I know of at least three FTMs who entered into relationships with older MTFs while in this group, all of which seemed very unhealthy to me. To me, FTMs under 18 dating or sleeping with (usually kinky) MTFs over 20 seemed very sexually exploitative. Healthy boundaries between adults and minors were foreign to this group, much like in the greater queer and trans community.

Morgan didn’t present herself as someone to emulate, but as someone to share her trans experiences with us. She spoke of her time as a teen prostitute, her SRS, her art, her writing, and her connections in the queer community. I think most of the teens saw her as someone to just give us advice and support, since she could recommend which clinics or doctors to see to start HRT and tell you what you needed to say to doctors so they’d sign off on SRS. She’d talk about what to expect after SRS. She knew the MTF side personally, but she also was intimate with a fair number of trans men so she told us about the FTM side too. At the time, to me, she seemed like the magic key to accessing all the medical transition resources I wanted. This was a trans support group, so one might assume this was normal—and it may have been for such a gathering—but in retrospect, I find elements of this concerning.

Unsurprisingly, most of the teens seemed to be there without their parents’ knowledge (as I was), but there was unquestioning support for all of them to medically transition as soon as they wanted. There was one male nonbinary who complained about how they had to perform more femininity in order for their doctor to get them a prescription for estrogen. To us in the group, this doctor was evil for trying to deny our friend what they needed. Looking back now, the only thing that made this person “trans” was their clothing and nail polish. They made no attempt to pass as female, so I understand why a doctor might have been hesitant.

One of the most memorable experiences I had there was when I was 16 and had brought my 15-year-old non-trans female friend with me. We were hanging out, talking about the usual stuff, when Morgan mentioned she was going to be a judge at the Porn Awards that night and invited my friend and I to go with her for free. We said no—I knew right away I would probably see penises, and that would make my dysphoria worse. At that point in my life I had only seen porn once, and since then had only talked to porn actors and cam girls in the queer/trans community online. I honestly thought it was all empowering and fun. Still, my gut reaction was “no,” thank god.

Morgan’s personal life would often come up. This wasn’t a problem in and of itself, but I believe it normalized some harmful behaviour for us younger people. She would talk about when she was a teen and had a 30 year old boyfriend, then one of the teen FTMs would chime in how they had an adult boyfriend. She would talk about the drugs she did as a teen—weed, coke, poppers, etc; people would chime in about doing drugs in high school. She would talk about her time as a prostitute/sex worker, and others would accept this as a normal part of most MTFs’ lives. It’s one thing to be open about these topics so teens can discuss them without fear or shame, but another to present them as typical behaviour for trans people.

Usually, these things came up because someone other than Morgan started in on the topic. I don’t think she had any negative intentions, but most of the young people there had never been exposed to these things, and because of her, our first received message was that these were positive and mostly-harmless choices.

When I was 16, I started seeing a counselor for my family situation, my mental health, failing in school, and to help with my trans identification. This was the first time in my life I had met someone who really wanted to help me with my crippling social anxiety. I expected to learn coping techniques, not only for my anxiety but also for my dysphoria. She never gave me any advice for handling dysphoria directly. In one of my last sessions with her, I mentioned maybe using some of the techniques used by people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. My counselor, a lesbian with an FTM partner, seemed surprised by this idea. Much like Morgan’s group, she didn’t attempt to tackle dysphoria, but merely took it as a sign that I needed HRT as soon as possible.

I was one of very few people in that group who got help for my mental health. This is horrifying considering how many of us openly talked about being suicidal and self-harming. It was a given that all the members of this group had struggled with depression and anxiety at some point. A lot of us had also experienced trauma, and many of us had ADHD or were on the autism spectrum. For some reason, none of this was ever discussed as seriously as other topics.

As mentioned previously, Morgan Page was the creator of the Planned Parenthood Toronto workshop “Overcoming the Cotton Ceiling: Breaking Down Sexual Barriers for Queer Trans Women” in 2012. And although I had never heard about this until after leaving the trans community, years later, those of us in Morgan’s youth group definitely identified as members of our chosen sex class, which is the cornerstone of the Cotton Ceiling movement: that sex-based attraction can be reclassified as gender-based attraction.

The only context in which lesbians were ever discussed was in regards to “trans lesbians”. Most of the MTFs & male NBs there would lecture the few FTMs and female NBs about our “masculine/male privilege,” explaining to us that they experienced “transmisogyny” and therefore we needed to know when to be quiet and listen. These beliefs and attitudes were essential in the aforementioned relationships between FTMs and older MTFs in the group. I remember one time I was discussing how I didn’t pass somewhere and was treated like a woman and called “dyke”, but they insisted it was just transphobia, and that I could no longer experience misogyny now that I identified as male. The idea that I might be a lesbian or that I might have experienced lesbophobia never came up. Isn’t this the perfect group mindset to facilitate abuse? Is this really the right dynamic for teens trying to discuss their trans issues, family, school, and mental health problems?

In conclusion, I believe that Morgan treated us like adults when we were only teens. She expressed unwavering support for anyone to transition regardless of their history, age, family situation, trauma, etc. The group viewed most therapists as “gatekeepers,” so she advised teens to find doctors who practiced Informed Consent. This means that many of the teens in that group started HRT without seeing anyone for their mental health first, after signing what amounted to a non-liability waiver. Strangely enough, we almost never talked about post-op complications nor the long-term negative effects of HRT, a lack of concern for which is sadly the norm in the trans community. She spoke about sex, drugs, porn, and kink as if it were a normal part of our lives because we were trans.

Honestly, my friends and I thought we might find help for our dysphoria, help understanding how trans identities and sexual orientation intersect, and yes, how to get HRT & SRS. Dysphoric and gender-nonconforming kids and teens need support groups that help address their everyday problems, without automatically being labeled as trans. In retrospect, that group was a breeding ground for predators and narcissistic trans males, with trans females discouraged from pointing this out on account of their “masc privilege”. At the end of the day, I think the members of the group internalized the prioritizing of MTFs and the silencing of FTMs, a mindset that now permeates almost all of the LGBT community.

Genderqueering the Dead

by Carrie-Anne Brownian

Carrie-Anne is a thirtysomething historical novelist, historian, and lover of many things from bygone eras (except for the sexism, racism, and homophobia). She can be found at Welcome to My Magick Theatre, where she primarily blogs about writing, historical topics, names, silent and early sound cinema, and classic rock and pop; and at Onomastics Outside the Box, where she blogs about names and naming-related issues. Her only “child,” an 18-year-old spider plant named Kalanit, has thankfully never had any issues with her gender identity!

Carrie-Anne has written two other pieces for 4thWaveNow: “The boy with no penis” (about the case of David Reimer) and “Transing the dead,” a companion piece to this article.

She can be found on Twitter @


As trans activists have demonstrated many a time, propagating their ideology takes precedence over accurately representing history. They have a long track record of posthumously declaring famously gender-defiant people (many of them LGB)  to be trans, despite a complete lack of evidence (from either primary or secondary sources) to support such an extraordinary claim. Many have also declared old works of literature about LGB people, and women who posed as men to live freer lives and have more opportunities, to be part of a trans canon. Seeing as the modern-day trans umbrella is so broad and vague, trans activists feel confident in including anyone who wasn’t or isn’t one million percent a collection of rigid stereotypes.

Enter the latest trend in this misrepresentation of history: Genderqueering the dead.

In December, Katie Byford, a photographer, filmmaker, and poet, started a Twitter thread about nineteenth century female photographers, such as Eveleen Myers, Emma Barton, Constance Fox Talbot, Minna Keene, and Clementina Hawarden. After this wonderful celebration of female pioneers in photography, Ms. Byford made another thread, this one holding up Claude Cahun, Marianne Breslauer, Florence Henri, and Annemarie Schwarzenbach as “transfemale,” “genderqueer,” “trans,” and “queer.”

These lesbians were referred to with “they” pronouns, in spite of never having claimed to be anything but women, and no other evidence pointing to a trans identity. Like many other lesbians and gender-defiant women throughout history, they had short hair, wore stereotypical men’s clothes, and shunned the role of dainty little ladies immersed in all things domestic and stereotypically feminine.

Before these women’s true stories are presented, let’s look at the history of the term “genderqueer,” and the concept of claiming to be neither male nor female.

According to anthropologist April Scarlette Callis, in “Bisexual, pansexual, queer: Non-binary identities and the sexual borderlands,” people only began “identifying” as homosexual in the nineteenth century, when sexuality was medicalized in the wake of modern scientific developments and the decreased influence of religion. She quotes George Chauncey, a Yale history professor, as saying that gender roles, not sexual partners, were used to determine sexual orientation in the early twentieth century. E.g., only butch lesbians and effeminate gay men had labels attached to themselves, not lesbians and gay men who had less gender-defiant style and behavior. Only in the mid-twentieth century were people officially labeled homosexual or heterosexual.

The first recorded use of the word “genderqueer” is in an article from August 1995 by Riki Anne Wilchins, published in In Your Face: Political Activism Against Gender Oppression. Ms. Wilchins used this word to describe those with unnamed or complex gender expressions. In her 1997 autobiography, Read My Lips: Sexual Subversion and the End of Gender, she identified herself as genderqueer.

In June 2001, in The Village Voice, E.J. Graff used the word in “My Trans Problem,” in which she pondered whether trans people belong in the LGB movement:

“Many of us who are homoqueer, or queer in our sexual desires, are also at least a little genderqueer—more butch or sissy than we’re supposed to be…For lesbians as well, genderqueer (a masculine woman) has at times trumped homoqueer (a woman who has sex with a woman) as the defining stigmata…As many gender-passable homos win a place at the Thanksgiving table, our genderqueered sibs are still beaten, fired, harassed, and murdered not for the sex they have but for the sex they appear to be.”

Also in 2001, “GenderQueer Revolution” and “United Genders of the Universe” were founded to fill a perceived gap in the representation and celebration of people who considered themselves neither male nor female. In 2002, the term went mainstream with the publication of GenderQueer: Voices from Beyond the Sexual Binary, a collection of thirty-eight essays edited by Joan Nestle, Clare Howell, and Riki Anne Wilchins. Ever since, usage of the term and identification with the concept have been steadily rising.

While Ms. Wilchins may have had sincere intentions and a specific identity in mind when she coined the word, as had those who were early adapters of the concept, the explosion of identity politics, queer theory, and postmodernism over the past 5–10 years have rendered it as meaningless and catch-all as “queer.” Today, many consider “genderqueer” an umbrella term which includes identities such as “non-binary,” “demigender,” “trigender,” “bigender,” “agender,” “neutrois,” and “pangender.” Some people involved in identity politics even consider the word offensive and archaic nowadays, and have supplanted it with “non-binary.”

Marcel Moore and Claude Cahun, Self-Portraits Reflected in a Mirror, ca. 1920, Jersey Heritage Collections.

Thus, this concept didn’t exist when the abovementioned female photographers were alive. Claude Cahun, the first cited, was born as Lucie Renée Mathilde Schwob in 1894, and adopted the unisex name Claude sometime between 1917 and 1919. She experimented with several different surnames before settling on Cahun. Historically, it’s hardly been uncommon for lesbians to adopt male names, but this did not mean they were trans men or “genderqueer.”

In 1909, at age fifteen, she met seventeen-year-old Suzanne Alberte Malherbe, who later adopted her own new name, Marcel Moore. They quickly became friends, creative partners, and lesbian partners. In 1917, Moore’s widowed mother married Cahun’s divorced father, making them stepsisters. Their creative partnership may have diverted attention from their lesbian relationship. Both were active in the anti-Nazi resistance movement on the island of Jersey during World War II, and were imprisoned and sentenced to death after being discovered. They were saved by the island’s 1945 liberation (“Acting Out: Claude Cahun and Marcel Moore,” Tirza True Latimer).

Claude Cahun Jersey Heritage Collection

Cahun described Moore as l’autre moi (the other me), and they remained partnered until Cahun’s death in 1954. After Moore’s 1972 suicide, she was buried next to her lifelong partner at St. Brelade’s Church on the island of Jersey. Over the course of their lifetimes, neither claimed to be anything but women; they were gender-defiant lesbians.

The second photographer to be posthumously genderqueered was Florence Henri, born in 1893. Though she was a very prolific, well-known avant-garde photographer in her heyday, her name is largely unknown today. “Meet Florence Henri, The Under-Acknowledged Queen Of Surrealist Photography,” a Huffington Post article by Priscilla Frank, claims she “toyed with gender binaries, using her personal appearance to emphasize the performative nature of gender.”

Florence Henri © Centre Pompidou, Paris

Henri’s 1928 self-portrait is cited as an example of this, because it features herself “dolled up almost as if in drag” (i.e., short hair and a so-called man’s shirt), and two silver balls reflected against a mirror, “equivocal symbols of both testicles and breasts.” Posthumously identifying Henri as “genderqueer” on account of this is a huge stretch. She was bisexual and at times adopted a tomboyish, androgynous style. She never claimed to be anything but female!


Marianne Breslauer Estate/Fotostiftung Schweiz, 2009

The third and fourth photographers cited, Marianne Breslauer and Annemarie Schwarzenbach, were close friends, though not romantic partners. While Schwarzenbach was a lesbian (who entered into a lavender marriage of convenience with bisexual Achille-Claude Clarac in 1935), Breslauer appears to have been heterosexual. Breslauer was born in 1909, and rose to become one of the leading photographers of the Weimar Republic. Her anti-fascist activism and Jewish background eventually drove her out of her native Germany. After World War II, she and her husband became art dealers (“Beautiful Tomboys of the 1930s”).

Schwarzenbach was born in 1908, and dressed and acted “like a boy” from a very young age. She also adopted the name Fritz. Neither of her parents ever forced her to adopt a more stereotypically feminine role. Her own mother was also bisexual, and had a long-running affair with opera singer Emmy Krüger, as well as other women, which her father raised no objections to (“Swiss writer’s life was stranger than fiction,” Isobel Leybold-Johnson).

 

Annemarie Schwarzenbach, © Marianne Feilchenfeldt-Breslauer

Throughout her life, Schwarzenbach continued dressing and behaving “like a man,” and exclusively had relationships with other women. Many times, she was mistaken for a man. Her attempted suicide, not her personal style, caused a much greater scandal among her family and their conservative circle. Breslauer described her as “neither a man nor a woman, but an angel, an archangel.” She travelled all over Europe and Asia as a prolific photographer and journalist, and tragically died from a bicycle accident at age thirty-four (“Beautiful Tomboys of the 1930s”).

On a related note, LGBTQ Nation and Ha’Aretz recently reported the discovery of alleged trans or “third gender” burials in a 3,000-year-old grave in Hansalu, Iran. This ancient city was almost continuously inhabited from the sixth millennium BCE till the third century of the Common Era. Among its claims to fame are the Golden Bowl of Hansalu and the Hansalu lovers, two male skeletons who seem to be embracing. The city was violently sacked and burnt around 800 CE, possibly by Urartians, which froze one of its layers in time, much like the eruption of Mount Vesuvius did to Pompeii. Thus, researchers have found a wealth of incredibly well-preserved artifacts, buildings, and skeletons (“Iran’s Pompeii: Astounding story of a massacre buried for millennia,” Catherine Brahic).

Biologically female skeletons were typically found with jewelry, needles, and garment pins, while biologically male skeletons were usually found with weapons, metal vessels, and armor. Simply because 20% of skeletons were discovered with objects associated with the opposite sex, or a mixture of objects, art historian Megan Cifarelli has presented this as evidence of “non-binary individuals” and “a third gender.”

Predictably, the Ha’Aretz article goes on to appropriate and misunderstand known “third genders,” such as India’s hijra and the Two-Spirits found in various Native American cultures. The evidence of such social categories doesn’t negate the reality of being male or female, nor does it have anything to do with post-modernist, queer, trans activist theory. On the contrary, they’re based upon a sex binary. People who don’t fit into either role find a place in these “third genders,” and thus are freed from the expectation of heterosexual marriage and sex, childbearing, having to wear certain clothes, accepting certain social and familial roles, and so forth. Most importantly, everyone around these people understands they’re still the biological sex they were born as.

Native Americans have repeatedly asked people to stop claiming to be Two-Spirit when they haven’t any Native American blood. Not only does this appropriate their culture, it doesn’t take into account how diverse Native American culture is. Not all tribes had/have Two-Spirits. For example, the Iroquois, who kept a much more extensive documentation of their people’s history and daily lives than many other tribes, never recorded Two-Spirits among their ranks. The Apache likewise have no records of them, though they were kind and respectful to Two-Spirits from other tribes (ibid).

Both the Apache and Iroquois had very egalitarian societies, in different ways. Apache adults typically had sex-segregated roles, but children were raised to do things associated with both sexes. Because their tribe was almost constantly at war with other tribes, it was essential to know how to do basic life tasks (e.g., sewing, cooking, hunting, construction) in the event of a sex imbalance either at home or in the trenches. Meanwhile, Iroquois women enjoyed great amounts of political power and authority. Hence, there was no need for Two-Spirits (ibid.).

One tribe that does have Two-Spirits is the Lakota Sioux. Their record of such a category extends as far back as their written history. They also had extremely sex-segregated roles from a very early age, and permitted polygyny. Lakota Two-Spirits were always men, never women. Men who didn’t conform to their tribe’s rigid rules about “proper” behavior were put in the camp with women and children, which didn’t enjoy as high a quality of life or social standing as the men’s camp (ibid.).

Another tribe with Two-Spirits, the Dene of Alberta, Canada, historically treated their women horribly. To give just one example, Dene women were forced to go hungry, if their husbands dictated it, during famines and food shortages. They were among the most mistreated, oppressed women among all North American tribes. Thus, the evidence makes it clear that progressive tribes had no need for Two-Spirits, while ones with the harshest, most rigidly-enforced sex roles required this social category as a way to deal with gay and gender-defiant men. In spite of not being regarded as “real men,” they still had the social power to opt out of manhood. Women weren’t allowed to opt out of womanhood. And again, none of these Two-Spirit men ever claimed to be women, nor were they seen as such (ibid.).

To get back to the topic of the grave, it seems more logical to conclude that the presence of stereotypically male or female objects with the opposite sex is evidence of gender-defiant individuals, possibly lesbians and gay men. If there were indeed a “third gender” in this society, it had nothing to do with modern-day views on the subject. It just goes to show that society may have had great acceptance towards non-conformity, so much so they buried these people with said objects. There also may have been other reasons they were buried with those objects; e.g., a soldier wanting to mend his uniform, both men’s and women’s clothes using garment pins, or women passing themselves off as men to fight in a war or rise to a more prominent social position.

The most recent paleoanthropological evidence reveals that our Neanderthal cousins had a very egalitarian society, with women as well as men hunting dangerous game face-to-face and taking equal part in all aspects of their daily lives, far more so than our own direct ancestors in the Homo sapiens sapiens line (The Neanderthals Rediscovered: How Modern Science Is Rewriting Their Story, Dimitra Papagianni and Michael A. Morse). Does that mean Neanderthals were all “genderqueer” themselves?

By declaring all these people “genderqueer,” part of a “third gender,” and automatically under the trans umbrella, young people who are gender-defiant themselves are being done a grave disservice. When they see no role models from history, in whichever field they may be passionate about (art, photography, music, writing, acting, science, medicine, mathematics, etc.), in addition to a dearth of gender-defiant examples in their own real lives or modern society, they’ll be more likely to believe they must be trans or “genderqueer” themselves. There are almost no available counterexamples to convince them otherwise — to help them see that it’s very possible to be a perfectly normal, happy woman or man who doesn’t behave like a walking, talking stereotype.

Youth in previous generations, not all that long ago, had high-profile gender-bending examples like Annie Lennox, Boy George, David Bowie, Grace Jones, Prince, Marlene Dietrich, and just about everyone with a New Romantic style in the Eighties. Today, however, young people are being sent the message that preferring short hair, trousers, boxer underwear, button-down shirts, and no makeup; or pink, makeup, long hair, stereotypically feminine clothing, and jewelry, means they must be trans or “genderqueer,” instead of simply a normal  tomboyish, effeminate, or androgynous person.

Calling strong, proud women and lesbians “genderqueer” and using “they” pronouns erases, insults, and demeans who they truly were, in addition to doing a disservice to today’s young women. Respect for the dead is a common value across cultures and eras, and this is a painful example of the exact opposite.